The Press-Dispatch
Issue link: http://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/751731
D-8 Home Life Wednesday, November 16, 2016 The Press-Dispatch Family Talk by By Dr. James C. Dobson When should a young adult leave home? I visited a home several years ago where this battle was raging. The par- ents had posted a notice on the refrig- erator that summed up their frustration. It said: Children! Are you tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now! Move out, get a job, and pay your own bills. Do it now...while you still know everything. Their kids didn't take the hint. They were still there, watching daytime television and arguing over whose turn it was to take out the trash. The issue of when to leave home is of great importance to your future. Re- maining too long under the "paren- tos" roof is not unlike an unborn baby who refuses to leave the womb. He has every reason to stay awhile. It is warm and cozy there. All his needs are met in that stress-free environment. He doesn't have to work or study or disci- pline himself. But it would be crazy to stay beyond the nine months God intended. He can't grow and learn without leaving the se- curity of that place. His development will be arrested until he enters the cold world and takes a few whacks on his be- hind. It is to everyone's advantage, and especially to the welfare of his mother, that he slide on down the birth canal and get on with life. So it is in young adulthood. Until you cut the umbilical cord and begin pro- viding for yourself, you will remain in a state of arrested development. To use an earlier analogy, it is another of the "mud- holes" that can trap and hold a person in an immature state. The Scripture hints at this need to press on. The apostle Paul wrote, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me" (1 Cor. 13:11). Remaining at home with Mom and Dad is the perpetuation of child- hood. It may be time to put it behind you. There is a variation on this theme that is even more problematic. It oc- curs when you have been away to attend college or to work, and then you've returned to live at home again. That is called "the elastic nest," and it can be a disaster. Why? Because you've been on your own — you've made your own decisions and controlled your own life. You've changed dramatically during your time away, but you return to find that your parents have not. They are just like you left them. They want to tell you how to run your life — what to eat, what to wear, which friends to cul- tivate, etc. It is a formula for combat. I understand that situation because I've been through it. My parents han- dled me wisely in my late teen years, and it was rare for them to stumble in- to common parental mistakes. That is, however, exactly what happened when I was 19. We had been a very close-knit family, and it was difficult for my moth- er to shift gears when I graduated from high school. During that summer, I traveled 1,500 miles from home and entered a college in California. I will never for- get the exhilarating feeling of free- dom that swept over me that fall. It was not that I wanted to do anything evil or forbidden. It was simply that I felt accountable for my own life and did not have to explain my actions to any- one. It was like a fresh, cool breeze on a spring morning. Young adults who have not been properly prepared for that moment sometimes go berserk, but I did not. I did, however, quickly become addicted to that freedom and was not about to give it up. The following summer, I came home to visit my folks. Immediately, I found myself in conflict with my mom. She was not intentionally insulting. She simply responded as she had done a year earlier when I was still in high school. But by then, I had journeyed down the road toward independence. She was asking me what time I would be coming in at night and urging me to drive the car safely and advising me about what I ate. No offense was intended. My mother had just failed to notice that I had changed and she needed to get with the new program. Finally, there was a flurry of words between us, and I left the house in a huff. A friend came by to pick me up, and I talked about my feelings as we rode in the car. "Darn it, Bill! " I said. "I don't need a mother anymore." Then a wave of guilt swept over me. It was as though I had said, "I don't love my mother anymore." I meant no such thing. What I was feeling was a desire to be friends with my parents in- stead of accepting their authority over me. Freedom was granted very quick- ly thereafter. I hope you will be a bit more patient with your parents than I was with mine. I was only 19, and I wanted it all. I should have given them another year to adjust. Your mom and dad will also change their thinking if you give them a little time. In the meanwhile, if you are 22 or older and have been away from home, I would suggest that you not plan to return except for a speci- fied period and unless you have an un- usually harmonious relationship with your parents. For most young people, bouncing back is built for trouble. From Life on the Edge by Dr. James Dobson The Christmas season is upon us, so this can be an opportunity to maintain sales by getting more out of the Thanksgiving weekend. Give your store a boost by promoting Black Friday & Small Business Saturday. All advertisers will be presented together under a common heading, giving the promotion more impact, plus you get spot color at no additional charge. Here's an opportunity to capitalize on tHis year's cHristmas buying season. tHe promotion will run wednesday, november 23 deadline is wednesday, november 16 John Heuring Ad Manager 812-789-3671 Fran Petit Ad Consultant 618-302-4092 Pam Lemond Ad Consultant 812-354-8500 Cindy Petty Ad Consultant 812-664-2359 CALL: 812-354-8500 FAX: 812-354-2014 ads@pressdispatch.net 820 Poplar St., Petersburg REAL ESTATE TRANSFERS Bank of America NA conveys to Selene Finance LP, Lots No. 42 and 43, in Town of Augusta. Selene Finance LP conveys to Tony Martin, Lots No. 42 and 43, in Town of Augusta. Mary Ann Denton quitclaims to Donald James Glad- ish, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Dennis H. Bauer conveys to Joshua R. Tindall, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Jessica C. Catt quitclaims to Joshua R. Tindall, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Larittia A. Bates conveys to Calvin Wineinger and Christy Wineinger, Lot No. 16, in Cassidy's Subdivi- sion, Town of Otwell. Beatrice A. Fulcher and Pike County Auditor con- vey to Rita M. Allen and Justin Wiscaver, Lot No. 8, in Demsey's 2nd Subdivision, Town of Otwell. Secretary of Housing and Urban Development quit- claims to Bank of America, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Susan R. Meadows conveys to Kenneth E. Beadles and Dawn R. Beadles, Lot No. 22, in North Park Sub- division, City of Petersburg. Paul Dale conveys to John B. Shawhan, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Gloria Mann conveys to John B. Shawhan, real es- tate as recorded in Pike County. Karla Cates conveys to John B. Shawhan, real estate as recorded in Pike County. James Irwin conveys to John B. Shawhan, real es- tate as recorded in Pike County. Susan Hurt conveys to John B. Shawhan, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Helen Woodall Undivided Interest conveys to John B. Shawhan, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Zurcher Lynn Undivided Interest conveys to John B. Shawhan, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Jon Kevin Shawhan Undivided Interest conveys to John B. Shawhan, real estate as recorded in Pike Coun- ty. Mike Shawhan Undivided Interest conveys to John B. Shawhan, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Janet E. Graff conveys to Robert J. Collins and Jessi- ca N. Collins, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Mary G. Weedman quitclaims to Patoka Valley Con- servation Partners LLC, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Donna R. Weedman, Donna R. Deutsch AK A and Stephen V. Beck convey to Patoka Valley Conservation Partners LLC, real estate as recorded in Pike County. Janice L. Chandler and Janice L. Chandler Revoca- ble Living Trust conveys to Jordan B. Parker, real es- tate as recorded in Pike County.