The O-town Scene

March 10, 2011

The O-town Scene - Oneonta, NY

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I am tentative College Girl Jennifer Tighe You Know I Want Ya? No, I don’t want to hear Pitbull at OH-Fest So, I was going to write a riveting column on the one and only Justin Bieber this week, but that joyous piece of art is just going to have to wait. What in the world is more important than a column on Sir J. Biebs? If you guessed “the headliner at OH-Fest,” then ding, ding, ding, we have a winner. I’ve been waiting patiently for weeks for the headlining band for OH-Fest to be released. Though maybe “patiently” isn’t exactly the best word to use here. I think a more appropriate description of my wait period would be that of a child on the night before Christmas. Well, Christmas morning has come, and I have torn off ribbons, bows and wrapping paper only to find that Mommy dearest completely screwed up my present. Pitbull the dog? Cute. Pitbull the musi- cian? Dear God, put me out of my misery. to even refer to what he does as music, but that’s irrelevant. I have been sitting here Googling lyrics to his songs, and I have yet to find one single song that doesn’t either include some kind of vulgar, sexual innuendo or some kind of demeaning comment toward women. I am astonished that SUNY Oneonta and Hartwick College would back a performer like this. Now, ing you to take your children as far out of ear shot of the concert as possible because this is apparently not a family-oriented event anymore, and, believe me, they have no business being anywhere near a performer like Pitbull. Okay, so say we pretend for a moment that this concert is put on for an audience of college students and mature adults. It seems pretty interesting to me that I have yet to hear from any fellow students who are excited to see Pitbull perform. No, seriously _ not one. I’m sorry, but I’m confused. Who made this decision? Because I’m not so sure we were included. Now, I’m not entirely sure how the money I’m not pretending to be ig- norant here. I do realize that we as college students are more than mature enough to handle content of this sort. But, correct me if I’m wrong, is OH-Fest not a family event? Well dear parents of Oneonta, I am urg- College Boy Sam Spokony Consumerism and feeling inadequate We’re being led in a certain direction by modern marketing. As Americans, our role as a herd of consumers has been well defined for generations, but the exponential growth of technology and the increased connectivity of today’s society serves to make us feel even more inadequate regarding our bodies, minds and abilities. What’s the an- swer to this? How can we regain our senses of self worth? I don’t know. At this point, it’s just easier to laugh, so that’s what I did. Here’s a word from my imaginary sponsors from a slightly altered state of mind: So, modern man … Feeling impotent? Feeling disconnected from the perfect web of illegitimate Internet friends you need to fill your 21st century needs? Feeling like you should really be reading Glenn Beck’s new book, but just don’t have the patience for all that paper? Of course, you do. You’ve lived in denial, sepa- rating your shortcomings into smaller pieces like scraps of un- wanted food on a plate, hoping that the dog under the table might make them disappear. Well, we’re happy to tell you that dog is dead! You killed him! So here you are, left with the dregs _ a limp, isolated and digitally stagnant shell of yourself. We’d like to fill the void that is you with DikTIKquirk, our all-new erectile-dysfunction- social-network-electronic-reader-multitablet paste powder. Currently available at each of our 887 locations, which are conveniently located within walking distance of all state colleges, state prisons and combination Pizza Hut/ Taco Bells, this Asian-approved multitablet paste powder is truly unlike any other home remedy you’ve taken. I have torn off ribbons, bows and wrapping paper only to find that Mommy dearest completely screwed up my present. is raised to put on this concert, but I do realize that there is money involved from both parties. With that thought, I ask that if you did plan on going, don’t. Let them waste their money _ it’s better than wasting a beautiful night in Oneonta listening to garbage in the park. Jennifer Tighe is a senior majoring in English at SUNY Oneonta. She can be reached at By utilizing the latest innovations in nano- technology and pop music harmonies, we’ve found a relatively natural way to sustain the raw humanity and social stamina you find so difficult to maintain in the face of the expo- nentially developing world we live in. Who could doubt your masculinity, your communi- cative skills or your electronic literacy? What else do you need to prove? After recalling all of our PUFFITT brand medical marijuana due to complaints from the Mexican government, we truly feel that this step forward is best for you. And we all have a stake in your success. We all care. We’re just like you. Personalized advertisements like this one make it easier to reach you, but when we’re selling a high quality multitablet paste pow- der like this one, it’s not about niche market- ing anymore. We’re outside the niche. So, give us a try! See if a little firming up across the board helps keep you in step with your contemporaries. You’ll never be able to make it through the week if you stop responding to all the messages around you. Most of all, we’d like to give you back your peace of mind. We know the score. And we’re sticking with DikTIKquirk for your sake, because we know that it’s not about being in control; it’s about feeling like you are. Sam Spokony is a junior majoring in music industry and English at SUNY Oneonta. He can be reached at March 10, 2011 O-Town Scene 5

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