The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/34286
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, June 17, 2011 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O’Brien I think I may be going through Oprah withdrawal. At 4 o’clock, I cried for no reason and then I checked under my chair for a prize. On her last show, Oprah gave the audience her personal e-mail address and told them to keep in touch. Then she added: “Nobody give that to Dr. Phil!” The United States was able to find and kill Osama bin Laden because of a tip from one of his wives. When she saw a picture of his body, she said: “NOW who can’t drive the car?!” The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Harold Camping is now predicting that the world will end in October. In show- business terms, that means God has picked us up for another 22 weeks. The Late Show: David Letterman CBS announced some new shows coming up, including “Celebrity Housekeeper”: A group of women compete to become Arnold Schwarzenegger’s maid. Oprah is really a champ. The only mistake she made is Dr. Phil. Live: Jimmy Kimmel In an encouraging departure from Kimmel family tradition, my son was able to get a woman to go to the prom with him. I never went to the prom, which was probably for the best because the only person who asked me to go was the janitor. Mitt Romney was on the “Today Show” and admitted he likes to read the “Twilight” books and watch “American Idol.” If elected, he would be the first Mormon and the first 13-year-old girl to be president. The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson CBS has an annual Memorial Day tradition ... of not giving me a day off. Unfortunately, there’s only one four-day weekend and that’s Thanksgiving. Stupid Pilgrims: Would it have killed you to invite the Indians over for dinner twice in the same year?! In New York City, Sarah Palin had a meeting with Donald Trump. Now experts say if those two joined forces on a presidential ticket, it would be the greatest gift ever given to comedy. Bodybuilding is tough! You’ve got to train constantly, eat the right foods, cover up the fact that you had a baby with the maid ... Scientists are using a robot explorer at the pyramids. They’re using it to go down and photograph the secret chambers that humans haven’t seen in 4,500 years. There’s graffiti down there that hasn’t been translated yet, but it probably says “Larry King was here.” Late Night: Jimmy Fallon Oprah ended her final show by saying: “I won’t say goodbye, I’ll just say ‘Until we meet again.’” Incidentally, that’s also what Lindsay Lohan says whenever she leaves court. Lindsay Lohan began her house arrest. When he heard about it, Arnold Schwarzenegger was like, “Don’t worry, Lindsay -- sometimes everything you need is right in your own house.”