The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/31633
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, May 13, 2011 18 latelaughs The Tonight Show: Jay Leno The man who invented the teleprompter has died at the age of 91. When President Obama heard the news, he was speechless. In an interview with ABC News, House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama needs to grow up. Then Boehner burst into tears. There is now a nationwide shortage of Attention Deficit Disorder drugs. The FDA says they’re not sure how it happened -- I guess somebody wasn’t paying attention. Because of what’s happening with Japan, a lot of people here are worried about the safety of America’s nuclear power plants. But it’s important to remember that we have never had a full meltdown. We came close with Charlie Sheen, though. Charlie Sheen has been dumped by one of his goddesses. Apparently, there were a lot of problems in the relationship: she kept drawing the line and he kept snorting it. How about that tornado that ripped through St. Louis airport, tore the roof right off the building! People were terrified -- they’re not used to the roof coming off until they get on their Southwest plane. Here’s the amazing part: air-traffic controllers slept right through it. The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That’s a long trip for Joe Biden! The Late Show: David Letterman Lindsay has to do 120 days in jail and then 400 hours of community service in a morgue. And while she’s there, she plans to visit her career. Who’s excited about the royal wedding? I have a little bit of a dilemma: I can’t tell if I don’t care or if I couldn’t care less. Fifty per cent of Americans think Donald Trump would make a terrible president. The other 50 per cent think he would make an awful president. Live: Jimmy Kimmel The White House Easter Egg Roll is an opportunity for kids all over the country to come to the White House and look for the president’s birth certificate. The same day that Charlie Sheen loses a goddess, all of a sudden Katie Couric announces that she’s leaving CBS News. Coincidence? Donald Trump is now attacking President Obama’s grades, suggesting that he was a poor student. First it was the birth certificate and now the grades. Trump won’t be happy until he proves that Obama doesn’t exist! St. Louis International Airport was hit directly by a tornado. They determined that tornadoes are no longer a danger and we can all go back to being endangered by sleeping air-traffic controllers. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon President Obama hosted the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. It was a little awkward, though: Donald Trump showed up and demanded to see each egg’s birth certificate. Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama’s birth certificate to make sure that it’s real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump’s hair.