The O-town Scene - Oneonta, NY
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/30393
A Single Dad by ‘Raul O’Toole’ It’s Tricky (To Rock a Rhyme That’s Right On Time) A fellow single dad, relatively new to this weird business, recently laid some wisdom on me. “You know, Raul,” he said, “This single parenting stuff is hard. I mean, they always say that, but it’s really hard. Parenting’s hard, but single parenting is damn hard.” Funny thing, he’s right. Those gentle gents on NPR’s “Car Talk” end their show with faux credits, and the false name who’s head of their Work- ing Mothers Support Group is Erasmus B. Dragon. It’s punny because it’s true. I’m in a funny spot these days. I’ve got some backup in the form of a special lady who unveils new levels of wonderful every day, but with one half-week kid and two and a half jobs, it can get difficult to keep all the juggling balls in the air, no matter how much help you’ve got. So I often end up saying things like “nope, can’t work then _ got the kid.” Or, “Nope, can’t do that fun thing _ got the kid.” These statements are usually met with a skeptical stare or dismissive eye roll. I suppose it’s because most folks who are hearing these things from me are either childless, have one job or fewer, or feel free to dump the kid with a spouse. No such option here, and I’m glad for it, frankly. When I’m taking time for my kid, that’s what it is. I rarely work when he’s awake, and I carve out blocks of time that are just for us. When he’s with his mother, that’s when I work my 18-hour days, that’s when I squeeze in a happy hour, that’s when I go out of town. So yeah, it’s hard. It’s hard to create and stick to a schedule that enables me to not only make a living, but also be able to enjoy that life with my son. I decided when his mother and I split that he would take top priority from then on, and that precludes work, my social life, and even my special lady from time to time. It’s hard to explain that to people you care for _ to friends and family, to those who share your life and your bed. It’s worth it. It’s about prioritization, determining what’s most important and making sure that the best of your energy is channeled in that direction as often as possible. It’s difficult to tell someone who’s stand- ing in front of you, asking for your time, your efforts and your dedication, that they cannot and will not be your first priority. It’s hard to say “no” to a boss or a significant other when she’s making a very reasonable request. But it’s critical, I think, to making the whole business work. Ultimately, it’s about honesty. It’s about being honest with yourself about what you can and cannot do, and then being honest with the people who depend on you. But nobody depends on you more than your child, and there’s no place you can better spend your time or energy. Honestly, being a single parent is hard _ hard as hell. But it’s pretty awesome, too. ‘Raul O’Toole’ is a single dad raising a child in the Oneonta area. E-mail messages sent to editor@otownscene.com will be forwarded to him. It’s difficult to tell someone who’s standing in front of you, asking for your time, your efforts and your dedication, that they can- not and will not be your first priority. Writers The Scene is hiring experienced feature writers, and those interested in contributing reviews of music, films and theater. E-mail clips to editor@otownscene.com Charles Schneider Music Director & Conductor Hans Wilk Memorial Concert Messe Solemnelle A Major: Coronation Luigi Cherubini State University of New York College at Oneonta Concert Choir, Dr. Robert Barstow, Director Symphony No. 1, Johannes Brahms. Sa Ticket k s are vaila This concert is gen Add aturday, April 30, 2011 - 8:00pm Hunt Uniion, SU e ava able at t the d (Ad ditional supp rt pr v ded e oor or d by Ex UNY Oneonta r by calling g erously sponsored by Basset Healthc pport p ovi (A ult: $25 / Student $15) se t H E celllus BlueC oss B a n 436-267 70 eCros BlueShi ld. t are Network. h eld April 28, 2011 O-Town Scene 17