The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/85140
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, September 28, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien Today Apple unveiled the iPhone 5, which is 20 per cent lighter and 18 per cent thinner. In fact, it's just a piece of paper that says "You saps will buy anything!" The company that made the Tupac hologram is filing for bankruptcy. The announcement was made by their company spokesperson, Elvis Presley. Yesterday in Florida, President Obama visited a pizzeria. The owner gave the president a bear hug and lifted him off his feet. Everybody shared a good laugh ... and then the Secret Service shot the man in the face. The No. 1 movie at the box office again this weekend was "The Possession," which is a Jewish version of "The Exorcist." The climax of the film is when they force the ghost to retire to Boca Raton. Tom Cruise is being accused of having the Church of Scientology audition women to be his wife. I don't know what the problem is -- at least someone in this economy is actually still hiring! The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Bill Clinton said that President Obama inherited a deeply damaged economy. And if he's re-elected, he'll inherit an even more deeply damaged economy. The Late Show: David Letterman Happy birthday to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who is 50 years old. They had a cake for him. He blew out the candles and then he wished for another cake. It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing: the yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges ... and that's just the tap water, here! Jimmy Kimmel Live!: Jimmy Kimmel I thought of a great invention: the iPhone 6. You don't even have to order it. Apple has collected so much information about you that it knows you want it, and it's coming to your house! In Chicago today, 26,000 public school teachers went on strike, the first teachers' strike they had in 25 years. Teachers are calling it "a last resort," city officials are saying it's "unnecessary and wrong," and students are calling it "awesome." The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson There was a big shakeup on "American Idol." There is still a vacant judges seat. The producers are in a great hurry to fill the empty seat before Clint Eastwood shows up and starts yelling at it. Some people call "The X Factor" a rip-off of "American Idol." These people are called "correct." I'm curious about the show hosted by Jeff Probst. This week's guests are a group of 80-year-old women discussing their sex lives. Isn't that "The View"? "Sons of Anarchy" is about a pack of hard-nosed bikers who live outside the law. Think Lance Armstrong, but with less crime and drug dealing. Over the weekend, Vice-President Joe Biden hung out with a biker gang in Ohio. I don't know if that's wise. It's not always a good idea to be associating with shady characters. So next time, think twice, bikers!