The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/83914
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, September 21, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien Yesterday a medical marijuana group officially endorsed President Obama for president. Doesn't really help Obama, though, because they were just getting around to endorsing him for 2008. The oldest person on Facebook is a 101-year-old woman. She said, "I want to waste what little time I have left." If you're a donor to President Obama's campaign, you were promised exclusive access to Joe Biden. And for an extra $10,000? Absolutely no access to Joe Biden. Chuck Norris said that if President Obama is re-elected, it will lead "to a thousand years of darkness." Then he said if Mitt Romney wins, it will lead to four years of extreme whiteness. The Republicans are really going after Obama. They asked, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" Americans said, "No, we're worse off -- because we had never heard of 'Honey Boo Boo.' " The Tonight Show: Jay Leno A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald's. To show you how good this guy's disguise was: instead of a holdup note, he was reading from a teleprompter. This Obama robber made some pretty scary threats to the McDonald's employees. He said, "Give me your money, or else my economic plan will have you working here for the rest of your life!" Hurricane Isaac turned out to be not much of a threat to the Republican convention. But to their credit, the Republicans had a contingency plan. If the hurricane did hit hard, delegates were instructed to evacuate to Mitt Romney's tax shelter. The first two nights of the Democratic convention are at the Time Warner Cable Arena, and the big speech by President Obama will be at the Bank of America Stadium. That's good thinking -- the two things Americans love most: cable companies and banks! The Late Show: David Letterman You know who is in trouble again? Lindsay Lohan. For a while, Lindsay Lohan was a person of interest in a jewel heist. I'm telling you, this woman apparently learned nothing from her four hours in prison! The Republican convention convened in Tampa. They're promising now to cut unpopular programs ... I know they're talking about me! Outside, it's like 82 and cloudy -- like Clint Eastwood. Jimmy Kimmel Live!: Jimmy Kimmel On Saturday, the White House released President Obama's personal recipe for a home- brewed beer. That's how bad the economy is: not only is our president drinking, he's drinking beer he made in his bathtub! A new study has found that men and women see colors differently. And we also see everything else differently. Women can perceive more than 50 shades of gray, whereas men see a poorly written book.