The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/77309
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, August 3, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien Oprah Winfrey interviewed Mitt Romney. They talked about politics, foreign policy, and what it's like to lose a million dollars in the couch cushions. According to a new report, the average Canadian is now richer than the average American. This is bad news for Americans, and worse news for those Mexicans who now have to tunnel all the way to Canada. Burger King has debuted its bacon sundae. It comes with whipped cream and a note that says "Do not resuscitate." The Tonight Show: Jay Leno The inside of my car was so hot today that I was steering with my knees even when I wasn't texting. There are rumors on the Internet that Kris Jenner is cheating on Bruce Jenner. Imagine Bruce's face if he finds out ... well, it'll be the same. The big news in Washington now is the disappearance of Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. Nobody can find him. He's completely disappeared. People think he's either in rehab or he might have been given his own show on CNN. The Late Show: David Letterman Good news coming out of North Korea. You know they had Kim Jong Il and he passed away so his son Kim Jong Un is now the leader. He has a new girlfriend: Kim Jong Kardashi-Un. Mitt Romney is worth $250 million, and reporters said: "Mitt, honestly, how did you get so rich?" And he said: "Well, I've always been good with my money and I do smart things. I always make sure my tires are properly inflated. And I save 15 per cent on my car insurance by switching to Geico." Wall Street says they prefer Mitt Romney for president. And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment? ... A new survey indicates that Obama supporters love iPhones. So if you have an iPhone, chances are you are going to be supporting President Obama. In a related story, if you support Gov. Chris Christie from New Jersey, chances are you love IHOP. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon Yesterday, House Republicans held their 33rd vote to repeal Obama's health-care law. It was mostly a symbolic vote that accomplished nothing -- or as Congress calls that: a vote. Farmers in France have started giving their cows two bottles of wine every day, in order to make better beef. Unfortunately, all the cows wind up doing is texting their ex-milkers -- "We were so good together ... " "I miss you ... " I heard that the airline Virgin Atlantic is planning to offer "Fifty Shades of Grey" as an audiobook on certain flights, making it the first time women onboard are actually asking for turbulence! A chef from McDonald's just revealed the recipe to the Big Mac's secret sauce. Even more surprising: he also revealed the McRib's secret meat.