The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/75291
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, July 20, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien The iPhone turned five years old. In other words, the iPhone is now officially old enough to build an iPhone. The FDA approved the new anti-obesity drug. To make sure Americans take it, it comes with a side of onion rings. A boxing promoter has offered Drake and Chris Brown $1 million to settle their differences in the ring. Chris Brown said the fight will never happen unless he and Drake start dating. It's been reported that last night in New York, Charlie Sheen trashed his hotel room. Isn't that amazing? People are still renting hotel rooms to Charlie Sheen! According to a new report, marijuana is the most popular drug on earth. So better luck next year, bath salts that make you eat someone else's face! New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is under fire for calling a politician he doesn't like an "S.O.B." Meanwhile, Christie calls a politician he does like a "B.L.T." The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Mitt Romney has a new fundraising gimmick. If you donate $3 or more to his campaign, your name will be entered into a draw to win a dinner with Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. If you donate more than $10, you get to sit at a different table. the Olive Garden fools your brain into thinking you're eating Italian food. The FDA approved the first new weight-loss pill in a decade. It fools the brain into thinking you're full -- you know, the same way Yesterday morning, Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs. In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court ruled President Obama's health-care mandate is constitutional. This is a major victory for President Obama, who spent three years promoting it, and a major setback for Mitt Romney, who spent three years creating it. CNN was first to announce the decision, but they got it wrong. They said the health- care mandate was struck down. Luckily, it was on CNN, so nobody saw it. The Late Show: David Letterman Tomorrow is the NBA Draft. The Knicks have the 48th pick in the draft and will take the best athlete available -- and so will Kim Kardashian. They're doing a big renovation at St. Patrick's Cathedral. They're checking the buttresses and they're replacing all the stonework and they're filling up the cracks in the facade ... it's the same team that does the work on the Kardashians. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon President Obama has a new ad that hits Mitt Romney's business career by calling him an "outsourcer-in-chief." Romney responded with an ad of his own, made by an excellent company in India. Pittsburgh Penguins star Jordan Staal was traded to the Carolina Hurricanes last weekend while he was getting married. Not good: you never want to find out on your wedding night that your husband's playing for the other team.