The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/71497
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, June 22, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien It came out that Mitt Romney is in fact a wealthy man: Mitt Romney disclosed his earnings and he is worth between $190 and $250 million. Romney said there is a $60-million discrepancy because there's still one pair of jeans where he hasn't checked the pockets. President Obama wrote a note for a fifth-grader who skipped school so that he could hear him give a speech. At first, the boy's teacher was suspicious because the note was signed "Billy's President." New research just came out showing that elderly people emit a distinct odor. The study was conducted by two guys stuck in an elevator with Larry King. DC Comics has revealed that the Green Lantern is gay. Of course, it's not a huge surprise considering he's the only superhero who gets his powers from his emerald jewelry. Officials from the city of L.A. have said that if the L.A. Kings win the Stanley Cup, there are no plans for a public celebration. Not to worry, though: Laker fans have offered to riot on their behalf. Yesterday, Bill Clinton told a crowd: "Remember me? I'm the guy who gave you four surplus budgets." To which the crowd replied, "That's not what we remember you for ... " Facebook may change its accounts policies and allow kids under 13 to join. When they heard this, Chinese officials said: "Great, now our workers will never get anything done!" The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Unemployment's still looking pretty bad. In fact, the White House has a new slogan on job creation: Hope and Change ... the Subject. The Late Show: David Letterman Miss Rhode Island is the new Miss USA, ladies and gentlemen. And today, Donald Trump demanded to see her birth certificate. There was an eclipse -- Venus was aligned along with the sun and the Earth. The depressing part is it won't happen again for another hundred years. It's like a Mets no-hitter! Late Night: Jimmy Fallon President Obama spent the night at his home in Chicago for the first time in over a year. It was nice: he even went down to the basement and dusted off some old campaign promises. Of course, it got awkward when he left and his housekeeper was like, "So ... see you after the election?" Hugh Hefner is back together with his fiancee, Crystal Harris, one year after she called off their wedding. It's like they say: If you love something, let it go. And if it comes back to you, it probably ran out of money and remembered you were a billionaire. New York is considering a law that would keep people out of jail if they were caught with small amounts of marijuana. Which explains why stoners are like, "It's a cop! Hide most of the weed!" It's being reported that Mitt Romney's personal Hotmail account has been hacked. Yeah, Hotmail! Even Ron Paul was like, "Get with it, you old geezer!"