The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/56424
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, February 24, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien A 100-year-old woman in the United Kingdom has revealed that her secret to staying sharp is playing a Nintendo DS. Sadly, no one has the heart to tell her that's a garage-door opener. Snoop Dogg endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot to legalizing pot. A 17-year-old girl is being treated for malnutrition after eating nothing but Chicken McNuggets for the past 15 years. Doctors are describing her condition as "American." In Iowa this weekend, a woman gave birth to a 13-pound baby. It's the heaviest baby born in Iowa since the last baby born in Iowa. In a recent interview, Fran Drescher claims she was once abducted by aliens. It was a mistake aliens made just once. The government may be legally required to release the video of Osama bin Laden's killing. President Obama said this would be unhelpful, inflammatory, and "Could you please release it two days before the election?" To make himself seem more like a regular guy, Mitt Romney went to a McDonald's and ordered burgers and fries. And apparently everything was going well until Romney asked the cashier if she could break a $1-million bill. The Associated Press reports that China is greatly expanding its state television station. This is really good news for China's No. 1 reality show: "Toddlers Making Tiaras." The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Newt Gingrich has been attacking Mitt Romney for being wealthy and having money in bank accounts in the Cayman Islands. See, that's when you know you're part of the top one per cent: when your bank's address has the word "island" in it. Romney says he is not a creature of Washington. He has lived in the real streets of America. I believe it's Easy Street, if I'm not mistaken. North Korea has made it illegal to use cellphones. The good news is it's now the greatest place in the world to see a movie! The good news is, we just got some election results from Florida. The bad news is, since it's Florida, they're from the 2008 election. A student at the University of Wisconsin in Madison spent 90 days technology-free. He went without a cellphone, Facebook, Twitter or any social media of any kind. And you know what really improved? His driving. Studies now show that America's students are becoming less proficient in math, and if the trend continues, we'll be a nation of math illiterates. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put two and two together. The Late Show: David Letterman There is now a $250 fine if you get caught eating in the subway. And they said if this works, then they're going to start cracking down on murder. The only reason that American schoolchildren learn about roman numerals now is the Super Bowl.