The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/55778
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, February 17, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien Mitt Romney released his tax records and they showed that he earned $42 million over the last two years. So now the other candidates aren't running for president -- they're running to be Mitt Romney. Here in California, some Starbucks stores have begun selling beer and wine. When asked why, a spokesperson for Starbucks said: "Because sober people don't buy Michael Buble CDs." Steven Tyler has been criticized for his rendition of the national anthem. On a positive note, people who saw the performance have been saying: "You know, Nancy Reagan looks great for her age ... " Mitt Romney is going to release 2010 and 2011 tax returns. Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich is going to release his 1988, 1994 and 2005 wedding vows. The Stanley Cup champion Boston Bruins visited the White House. President Obama told them he loves hockey -- as much as any black guy who grew up in Indonesia. House minority leader Nancy Pelosi says she has dirt on Newt Gingrich, but so far she's keeping her lips sealed. Not because of discretion, but because that's how the last surgeon left them. A new website just came out and it's been designed to calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn your salary. So from now on whenever Mitt Romney's running late, he can call his wife and say, "I'll be there in five teachers." What's interesting is that in the time it took you to think of that joke, Mitt Romney made $65 million. A man was arrested for smoking marijuana during a JetBlue flight. The flight attendants became suspicious when they noticed a passenger actually enjoying the meal. The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Scientists announced that they have detected a brand new subatomic particle. This particle is so tiny, it's actually smaller than the income tax rate paid by Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney won't release his taxes, but, on the other hand, turns out Newt Gingrich wrote off two of his marriages as a total loss. There's a new app that lets you post a message on Facebook after you've died. Which is great news: now you can finish that message you were typing right before you got into that head-on collision. Passengers on board a British Airways flight were accidentally told their plane was about to crash. It turned out to be a false alarm and they landed safely, but not before an Italian cruise ship captain panicked and jumped out of the plane. According to the CDC, 69 per cent of Americans are overweight or obese. What's happened?! We used to be a melting pot -- now we're a tub of lard! Live: Jimmy Kimmel Nick Nolte was nominated for Best Supporting Actor. It's his first major nomination since 2002, when he was nominated for Most Maniacal Mug Shot. President Obama gave his annual State of the Union address. And the State of the Union for 2012 is Kentucky. Congratulations! Obama focused on four areas he believes are the keys to restoring economic security. Energy, manufacturing, education, and TV shows about cupcakes, which we love.