The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/54584
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, February 3, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien Microsoft has received a patent for a GPS device that helps drivers avoid bad neighborhoods. The GPS will come free to anyone who purchases a 2012 Toyota Racist. Jay-Z and Beyoncé paid over $1 million to seal off the hospital ward where Beyoncé gave birth. It seems extreme, but it was the only way to keep out Uncle Kanye. The Defense Department is trying to find out who leaked information to filmmakers about the killing of Osama bin Laden. Even worse, the name of that movie is "Harold and Kumar Kill Osama bin Laden." Fidel Castro is now chiming in on our presidential elections. Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement. The Tonight Show: Jay Leno A group calling itself the Courage Campaign is trying to win support for a millionaire tax by running an ad that features Kim Kardashian. They want the Kardashians to pay more. This is part of their plan to raise taxes on the dumbest one per cent. The body that was found on Queen Elizabeth's estate in England has been identified finally. It takes a lot longer to identify bodies in England because, as you know, there are no dental records. According to Cosmo magazine, women who drink a glass or two of red wine a day are 30 per cent less likely to be overweight. And women who drink four or more glasses a day are 30 per cent more likely to host the fourth hour of "The Today Show." Live: Jimmy Kimmel Jay-Z and Beyoncé had a baby named Blue Ivy. She is seven pounds, reportedly happy, healthy, and already nominated for six Grammys and a People's Choice Award, so congratulations! Kate Gosselin is giving her fans a unique opportunity to join her on a cruise to the Caribbean. Tickets range from $1,900 to more than $3,000 per person. Or you can just go to Walmart and listen to mothers yell at their children for free. The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson The police suspected Snoop Dogg's tour bus had marijuana in it. They say their biggest clue was that it was Snoop Dogg's tour bus. I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon New research shows that children who have good teachers end up earning more money as adults. While children who don't have good teachers end up earning more money as cast members on "Jersey Shore." Jewelry from the Titanic will be auctioned off here in New York to mark the Titanic's 100th anniversary. Yeah, it'll be weird when your wife's, like, "Honey, these earrings are beautiful! Where'd you get them?" "Some dead woman who drowned."