The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/53207
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, January 20, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien A 10-year-old girl saved her mom's life by using techniques she learned from watching "Grey's Anatomy." Apparently she saved her mom's life using cheesy dialogue and a Sarah McLachlan song. Larry King says he wants to be cryogenically frozen when he dies. When asked why, Larry said, "I really miss the Ice Age." It's been announced that Madonna is going to perform at halftime for the next Super Bowl. So even if the Panthers and the Jaguars don't make it to the Super Bowl, a cougar will. Lady Gaga visited the White House. There was an awkward moment when Michelle Obama thanked her for the toaster and Lady Gaga said "That's my hat!" Someone hacked into Facebook and leaked Mark Zuckerberg's private photos. When Zuckerberg found out that someone showed such a blatant disregard for privacy, he hired them. India has suspended its plans to let a Walmart open in its country. The prime minister's exact words were "India will make your crappy clothes, but we won't buy them!" In a new book, Donald Trump claims he deserves credit for helping to make Lady Gaga a star. Trump's exact quote was "It was my idea to go out in public with weird, crazy stuff on your head." The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Due to the bad economy, the Queen of England's salary will be frozen for the next four years. In fact to make ends meet, the queen is thinking of having a yard sale to get rid of a lot of stuff they don't use anymore - like Canada. According to members of Saudi Arabia's highest religious council, allowing women to drive will cause them to lose their virginitiy. You know from my experience, it's not the driving that ends virginity, it's the parking! The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson Prohibition was a dark time. Alcohol was illegal and peppermint latte was not invented yet. How did people make it through the day?! Alcohol was illegal in this country from 1919 to 1933. So for 14 long years, not a single person did karaoke. The former governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich got 14 years in prison. He will probably get time off for good hair. To give you an idea how long that is, take Kim Kardashian's marriage and add 14 years. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon Today is International Ninja Day, when people are encouraged to carry toy weapons and wear black masks. And as I found out the hard way, my bank wasn't celebrating it. A designer in New York unveiled a bottle of perfume that costs $1 million. Yeah, a million bucks for a few ounces of liquid. Which explains its name: "Starbucks." Dr. Phil just revealed that he helped perform his own vasectomy 30 years ago. In related news, never make small talk in an elevator with Dr. Phil.