The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/52707
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, January 13, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien An executive from the E! Network has stated that there could be as many as four new Kardashian spin-off shows. He then added ..."unless our demands are met!" Newt Gingrich released a statement promising he would not cheat on his wife. Even better, he said he wouldn't cheat on his next wife either, or the one after that. The gay penguins from a Toronto zoo have permanently broken up after one successfully mated with a female. Scientists are calling it an important step for the survival of the species, while the penguin's ex-boyfriend is calling it "a phase." A new study just came out and showed that alcohol use among teens is down but marijuana use is up. The president of Budweiser said the results were "very alarming"; the CEO of Doritos said they were "freaking awesome!" The Tonight Show: Jay Leno A global study released just today found that happiness does not increase with the rate of economic growth. To which President Obama said, "See? That's what I've been trying to tell people." While speaking to a prominent group of Jewish Republicans, Newt Gingrich promised to support Israel, not give in to the Palestinians, and even promised his next wife would be Jewish. Rick Perry said there were eight Supreme Court justices instead of nine. But in his defence, he did know there were only three judges on "Dancing With the Stars." Iran is now in possession of an American drone. When I heard that I thought, "Oh, my God, they captured Joe Biden?" In Hawaii, someone stole Lindsay Lohan's purse with $10,000 in it. This was the second time the purse was stolen -- if you count the first time Lindsay grabbed it. Donald Trump says he may run for President as an independent. Pundits say it's a longshot, but he is known for performing miracles: he had a hit show on NBC. Live: Jimmy Kimmel Sources are reporting that Ryan Seacrest is being considered as a replacement for Matt Lauer. Earlier this month, he was informed there was a show on TV that he doesn't host, and he became very angry. Gary Busey said it's not that he doesn't like Newt Gingrich, but it was too soon for him to endorse anyone. He said as soon as a president is elected, he will let us know who he intends to vote for. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon A man in Russia is filing for divorce, claiming that he doesn't remember ever getting married. It's like the wedding never happened, which explains his name: Vladimir Kardashian. You can tell times are tough at Nickelodeon. In fact, today I saw Dora exploring the classifieds. A woman in Oklahoma was arrested for making meth inside a Wal-Mart. Or as Wal- Mart put it: "Told you we had everything!" The number of KFCs in China is expected to double by the year 2020. First they have General Tso, now Colonel Sanders... all they need is Cap'n Crunch, and it'll be like G.I. Joe for fat people!