The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/51080
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, December 23, 2011 18 latelaughs The Tonight Show: Jay Leno That movie "Twilight" is breaking all kinds of box-office records. Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella in the film, said her wedding in front of the cameras felt like a real wedding. To which Kim Kardashian said, "So did mine!" PETA says that turkeys today are now so fat, they can't stand up, they're prone to heart attacks and they have trouble mating. No, I'm sorry -- that's what the turkeys say about us! New research out of the University of Notre Dame shows that the simple act of walking through a door can cause forgetfulness. That explains why a lot of guys forget they are married when they walk into a bar. Herman Cain is the first Republican presidential candidate to get Secret Service protection. The level of protection a candidate gets depends on how well-known they are. For example, Jon Huntsman gets a 10-minute judo lesson and a plastic whistle. Police say the terror suspect is a 27-year-old U.S. citizen who was originally from the Dominican Republic. Apparently, officials became suspicious when they found someone from the Dominican Republic living in New York and not playing for the New York Yankees. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting a divorce. Well, there's quite an age difference: she's 49, he's 33... that's a full Bieber between them! The Late Show: David Letterman It used to be that when I was a kid and you were going to fly someplace, you would get dressed up, put on a tie and a jacket and you have a couple of martinis then you get on the plane... and that was just the pilot! The suspected New York City bomber's mother apologized. She said she was terribly embarrassed by her son and... Oh, sorry, that's my mom. So the guy, he decides "I'm going to make a homemade bomb," and he goes to Home Depot. He's able to get everything he needs to build a bomb at Home Depot! I mean, when was the last time you found what you were looking for at Home Depot? Live: Jimmy Kimmel This is the 14th Republican debate, and there are still more to go. The plan, I think, is to keep debating until somebody recognizes Rick Santorum on the street. The latest installment of "Twilight" made more than $140 million over the weekend. I have to say it's refreshing to finally see a story about wolves and teen pregnancy that doesn't involve the Palins. The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson "Twilight" is for young people, but that's why I don't like it. It sends a bad message -- it teaches young people that vampires have feelings and werewolves are sexy. The "Muppet" movie has lots of celebrity cameos. It's easier to list who's not appearing in it than who's in it. Who's not in it? Me and Corey Feldman. The word "Muppet" is a combination of "marionette" and "puppet," just like the word "mobster" is a combination of "man" and... "lobster"? The common design for a Muppet is a very wide mouth and large protruding eyes. The same design they used for the Olson twins.