The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/47416
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, November 11, 2011 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien McDonald's has just announced that all of its U.S. locations will sell the McRib sandwich only until Nov. 14. So, unfortunately, it looks like I'll have to cook for Thanksgiving after all. A bank in Washington, D.C., was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily right afterwards, two guys in Obama masks came and bailed the bank out. President Obama was back in Los Angeles where he will appear on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno." Obama is appearing with Jay Leno to highlight the one job that WAS saved during his administration. Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich said that next month they're going to take part in a Lincoln-Douglas-style debate. The only similarity to the actual Lincoln-Douglas debates is that no one will watch them on television. They have buried Moammar Gadhafi at a secret undisclosed location. In other words, it's going to be the best season of "The Amazing Race" yet! The Tonight Show: Jay Leno President Obama is here in Los Angeles. He's raising money for a huge disaster relief project: it's called NBC. It seemed that after he was killed, Gadhafi's body was stored in a commercial freezer at a shopping mall. It's one thing to hunt a guy down and shoot him twice in the head, but then to drag him to the mall?! Come on, guys hate that! A man from India has become the first 100-year-old person to run a full marathon. He's 100 years old, but to be fair, he was 94 when he started the race. The Late Show: David Letterman Moammar Gadhafi was found hiding in a storm sewer with a gold-plated gun. That's me in retirement, ladies and gentlemen! Rick Perry is now behind in the polls and he's not taking it well. Today, he executed his pollster. Live: Jimmy Kimmel I bought a bunch of candy for Halloween, though no kids ever come to my house because of the moat. The Chinese government has announced a plan to ban all reality television shows that are "overly entertaining." The new rules will affect all 34 TV stations. Thirty- four stations? We have more ESPNs than that! The Chinese may lead us in math and science, but they will never be able to match our amount of Real Housewives knockoffs! Late Night: Jimmy Fallon President Obama just launched his own blog on the website Tumblr. Incidentally, "tumbler" is what you call President Obama after looking at his poll numbers. A new study found that bacon and freshly baked bread are Americans' favorite smells. This morning, instead of putting on cologne, I just rubbed my neck with a BLT. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He's going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip isn't a steak! On CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: "Who was raising that question?"