The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/45383
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, October 21, 2011 18 latelaughs The Tonight Show: Jay Leno A sixth-grade student from Springfield, N.J., who asked Gov. Chris Christie for campaign advice, wound up losing his election for student council. Worse still, he asked President Obama for economic advice and he now owes his school $14 trillion. Mitt Romney speaks French and John Huntsman speaks Chinese. When Michele Bachmann heard they were bilingual, she said it's OK as long as they don't get married. A Texas State climatologist announced that the record drought of 2011 could last until 2020. That would be the second-longest dry spell in history if you don't count the Chicago Cubs. In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 per cent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items. Now luxury items are defined as things you don't need but want, even though they're expensive -- like a blanket on a plane or a peanut, or a glass of water in the middle of a flight. "Dolphin Tale" is the No. 1 movie in the country. That just goes to show you what dolphins can do if they don't play football! The Late Show: David Letterman There's a new iPhone -- get this one because it's crazy! Bigger screen, faster processor, and if you put it on the floor, it tells you your weight! I have one of the original iPhones -- you know, the one with a rotary dial. Live: Jimmy Kimmel Leonard Nimoy has announced that he will no longer attend "Star Trek" conventions. He's going to pursue his lifelong goal of being in anything other than "Star Trek." Something terrible happened in Los Angeles this morning: it's raining! The rain gods are displeased with us -- we must sacrifice a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills to appease them! Sarah Palin will not run for president, which is good news for Palin-haters but bad news for the moose population. The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson Happy anniversary to President Obama and the First Lady! They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said "yes" to an Obama proposal. The speed of light is 186,000 miles per second. If the entire universe is a mile of highway, light is traveling at the speed of Mel Gibson after three margaritas. Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the "S" stands for "suckers." Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or biorhythms ... or love. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old -- in addition to Snow White's seven dwarfs, she now has 25 cats. A couple in Pennsylvania was arrested for stealing copper wire from utility poles to pay for their wedding. Which explains that new item on the couple's registry: bail.