The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/42944
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, September 23, 2011 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien A report claims the Post Office could be out of business this winter. On the bright side, the Post Office won't receive the report in the mail for another two years. Kirstie Alley announced she's selling her mansion in Maine. In other words, it's the greatest day ever if you're a lobster. In Iowa, Sarah Palin ran a half-marathon and came in second place. Of course, no one saw her do it because she refused to tell anyone she was running. As a sign of how bad the economy is, the NFL had to borrow the quarter for the coin toss from China. And they want it back. The oil industry said that if they were allowed to drill more, they could create over a million new jobs. Of course, most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off ducks. The Tonight Show: Jay Leno According to the latest poll, a record 73 per cent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive we'll never get there! A former model on "The Price Is Right" has filed a lawsuit alleging wrongful termination and sexual harassment by the producers. She's asking for a four-day trip to Hawaii, a fabulous dinette set and a brand new car! Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would consider eliminating the Department of Education because the states could do a "gooder" job. The Late Show: David Letterman President Obama's uncle was arrested for a DUI. His alcohol level was actually higher than Obama's approval rating. Autumn is around the corner. I went and got my hairpiece out of cold storage. Ah, autumn in New York! The yellows, the browns and the rust... and that's just the drinking water! Labor Day is the day that Americans take three days off from looking for work. George W. Bush's niece was married over the weekend. The wedding was rodeo- themed -- just like Bush's presidency. A woman in Buffalo set a new world record for eating 183 buffalo wings. I don't think there will be a second date. Michele Bachmann is dropping quickly in the polls. Three more points and she goes on "Dancing With the Stars!" Live: Jimmy Kimmel President Obama's approval rating is very low. But then again, his disapproval rating is very high, so there's a silver lining. In what other job are you forced to hear how much people don't like you three times a week? During the Republican debate, every time they mentioned Ronald Reagan, I ate a jelly bean. And now I have Type 2 diabetes.