The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/35564
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, July 1, 2011 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O’Brien Most of Newt Gingrich’s campaign staff quit on the same day, and some people are blaming Newt’s third wife. When asked about it, Newt said: “Don’t worry, I’ll win them back with my fourth wife.” According to a new study, male politicians run for office to be somebody while female politicians run to do something. This study has a margin of error of plus or minus Sarah Palin. The Miami Herald mistakenly ran a full-page ad congratulating the Miami Heat on winning the NBA championship. LeBron James was so annoyed, he crumpled it up and tossed it just short of the waste basket. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s housekeeper says Maria Shriver became suspicious after noticing similarities between Arnold and her 13-year-old son. For instance, after serving as class president, he left the sixth grade with a $42-billion deficit. A Tea Party group is running a summer camp for kids. It’s the only camp where the kids sit around a bonfire and hear scary stories about taxing the richest two per cent. The Late Show: David Letterman Anthony Weiner wants to be mayor of New York City. So we may go from a guy that looks like a jockey to a guy that likes how he looks in Jockeys. Happy birthday to Donald Trump. For his birthday party, they’ll play Pin Everything on Obama. According to a new article, New York is the fifth-dirtiest city in the country. When I read the article, it made me so mad that I just threw the magazine down in the street! The Tonight Show: Jay Leno According to the latest survey on the economy, 48 per cent of the people surveyed think we’ll have a Great Depression. The other 52 per cent think it will just be a Pretty Good Depression. Father’s Day is different in Beverly Hills. Kids have to buy presents for their biological father, their stepfather, their surrogate father ... According to a new report, only 12 per cent of American high school students can pass a basic history test. That’s the lowest percentage since our country was founded in 1922! Live: Jimmy Kimmel Hugh Hefner’s wedding has been called off. I guess he didn’t want to be tied down with one woman for the rest of his ... weeks. Kim Kardashian and her fiance’s wedding registry leaked online. Since they’re millionaires, they’ve asked that instead of gifts, the guests donate to local charities ... just kidding, they want a $1,600 silver-plated coffee pot. The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson It’s not a great day for the king of Sweden. He’s facing pressure to step down over rumors that he frequents strip clubs. I think I speak for every American when I say: “Oh Sweden, your political sex scandals are so adorable!”