The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/31128
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, May 6, 2011 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O’Brien Obama is set to appear on one of Oprah’s last shows. He’s hoping it’s the one where she gives away $14 trillion. MSNBC reports that there’s a nationwide shortage of drugs for ADD. I think there was more to that story, but I lost interest. NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew “The Apprentice.” So, some good may come of this! President Obama will participate in a town hall meeting hosted on Facebook. In other words: just like everyone else in America, Obama will be on Facebook when he should be working. On the “Today Show,” Gary Busey said that Donald Trump would make a great president. Experts say Trump now needs to focus on getting endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen. The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Barack and Michelle Obama will appear on Oprah’s show soon. Not to be outdone, Donald Trump’s hair will be making an appearance on Animal Planet. There’s a new iPhone app that will do your taxes for you. At this point, I don’t trust my iPhone to make a phone call! The Late Show: David Letterman Moammar Gadhafi is constantly surrounded by barbed wire and his inner circle refers to him as “papa.” Boy, I’m telling you, some news stories just hit too close to home! You can now buy bacon-scented cologne. I found 50 jokes on this topic and they all ended with “Kirstie Alley.” Live: Jimmy Kimmel Donald Trump says he has never been more serious about running for president and that this is not a publicity stunt ... but make sure to watch the announcement on the season finale of “The Celebrity Apprentice.” Tax Day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and when wealthy Americans send theirs to the Cayman Islands. Speaker of the House John Boehner says he will not host a Cinco de Mayo celebration this year. Boehner says he has nothing against Hispanic Americans and, in fact, his speaker of the housekeeper is Hispanic. The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson It’s a bad day for soap operas. ABC has canceled “All My Children” and “One Life to Live.” The announcement was made by the president of ABC daytime ... or was it his evil twin?! A high-ranking official at the FAA had to resign because air-traffic controllers are falling asleep. I think FAA stands for “fell asleep again.” The most recent episode happened in Reno. Now, I’ve been to Reno, and not landing at Reno is not the worst thing in the world. ... Luckily, no one was hurt, except for the feelings of the people in Reno when I made that last joke. There are a lot of people here in California going out to the desert: it’s Coachella, the three-day music festival. Coachella, if you didn’t know, is a Native American word which means “$9 beer.” I don’t get my news from newspapers anymore, I just get it from my iPhone. And the news is always the same: no service.