The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/27874
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, March 25, 2011 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O’Brien It’s the last Discovery space shuttle mission that is underway. And while in space, the crew on board received a call from President Obama. The President told them: “You are NOT going to believe what’s happening with Charlie Sheen down here!” Warner Brothers issued a statement saying that they are essentially firing Charlie Sheen from “Two and a Half Men.” I say fine, but they better have a pretty good reason! Charlie Sheen announced that as part of a humanitarian effort, he’s taking a trip to Haiti. Sheen’s exact quote was: “I want to show them what a real disaster looks like.” President Obama attended a parent-teacher conference for his daughter, Sasha. The teacher said there’s room for improvement, she’d like to see a little more co-operation -- and then they talked about Sasha. A flight attendant was fired from Virgin Airlines for placing a baby in the plane’s overhead compartment. Now in the flight attendant’s defence, the baby did not fit under the seat. Brigham Young University kicked one of its star basketball players off the team for violating a school rule that prohibits extramarital sex. On the bright side, I think he’ll do just fine in the NBA. The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Mexico’s president arrived in Washington. He’s here to do the work that American presidents won’t do. Mexican President Calderon told President Obama that the United States must do more to reduce the demand for drugs. Obama said: “We got Charlie Sheen off cocaine, what more do you want?!” Women who drink are less likely to be obese than women who do not drink. So all this time if you’ve been on Jenny Craig, you should have been on Johnny Walker! Charlie Sheen said that he’s now more popular than President Obama, at which point Mike Huckabee accused him of growing up in Kenya. Live: Jimmy Kimmel The only difference between “American Idol” and karaoke is that on “Idol,” they don’t have the words in front of them and most of them aren’t drunk while they’re singing. The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson In the movie “Rango,” a chameleon beats the bad guys by using the element of surprise. It’s the same way I used to approach dating. Chameleons aren’t the only animals that change their skin colour. So does a fish, an octopus and Snooki. Florida became a state in 1845. The amazing thing is that most of Florida’s population was alive to witness it. Some of Justin Bieber’s hair was auctioned online for $40,000. The winning bidder wasn’t identified, because I didn’t want to be identified. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon Panasonic is coming out with a new camera that can brighten your teeth, remove dark circles, make your eyes bigger and make your cheeks rosier. When she heard about it, Heidi Montag said: “I could have just bought a camera?”