Lake Country Weekend Post e-Edition
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4 • LAKE COUNTRY WEEKEND POST • JANUARY 26, 2013 NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPHERD WATCHERS WATCHING PORN ■ Perspective: A leading "adult" search engine reported in Dec. that, over the last 7 years, just 2 of the most popular Internet pornography websites it analyzes have been viewed 93 billion separate times, which averages to about 13 views for every person on Earth. Given the average viewing time of 11 minutes per visit, the search engine (PornWatchers.com) calculated that men (& a few women, of course) have spent about 1.2 million years watching pornography on just those 2 sites. Noted the search engine in its press release, "Say goodbye" to calling online porn a "niche." "It's in every living room on this planet." UPDATES ■ Almost-extinct vultures may be making a comeback within the Parsi community of Mumbai, India, after a pain reliever (diclofenac) nearly wiped it out. Parsis' Zoroastrian religion requires "natural" body disposals (no cremation or burial) of humans & cattle, & bodies have always been ritually laid out for the hungry birds, but the community has also come to rely on diclopfenac in hospitals & for cattle. When News of the Weird last mentioned the problems (in 2001), vultures were dying out from kidney damage caused by the drug, & bodies were piling up. (Parsis were exploring using solar panels to burn the corpses.) However, according to a Nov. New York Times dispatch, clerics are reporting modest success in weaning Parsis off of diclofenac, & the vultures appear more plentiful. RECURRING THEMES ■ Least Competent Criminals: Peter Welsh, 32, & Dwayne Doolan, 31, weren't the first burglars to try breaking into a building by smashing through the adjoining basement wall, but they might be the clumsiest. Their target, on New Year's Eve, was Wrights Jewellers in Beaudesert, Australia, but trying to smash the front window failed, as did smashing the rear doors, which were actually those of another store. They finally settled on the basement option, but absentmindedly broke through the oppositeside wall & wound up in a KFC restaurant. (Undaunted, according to police, they robbed the KFC of about $2,600.) ■ Once again, a public library has been sued for gently asking a patron to leave because his body odor was provoking complaints. George Stillman, 80, filed a $5.5 million lawsuit in Oct. against the New York Public Library for feeling "humiliat(ed)" by the staff of the St. Agnes branch in Manhattan. Stillman said he views body odor (his & others') as mere "challenge(s) to the senses" & "a fact of life in the city." Actually, he had also denied that he had any body odor at all, but a New York Post reporter, interviewing him about the lawsuit, said she noted "a strong odor." ■ Drunk drivers often try to avoid hit-and-run charges by claiming that they did not realize they hit anything, but their odds drop if there is a dead pedestrian lodged in the windshield, as with Sherri Wilkins, 51, who was arrested in Torrance, Calif., in Nov., 2.3 miles from the crash scene, after other drivers finally persuaded her to stop. (Wilkins, it turned out, is a "rehabilitated" drug user who worked as a counselor at a Torrance drug treatment center & who claimed to have been sober for 11 years.) ■ Women's love-hate affairs with their shoes is the stuff of legends, but a Memphis, Tenn., podiatrist told Fox News in Nov. of a recent increase in women deciding on what might be called the nuclear option – "stiletto surgery" – for horribly uncomfortable, yet irresistible, shoes. Either the shoe must go or the foot, & more are choosing the latter (or at least the pinky), to be removed or reduced by surgery. The Memphis doctor said he sees as many as 30 patients a month interested in the procedure. ■ Once again, a familiar, vexing legal question was tackled in New York City in Dec. when Dr. Diana Williamson was sentenced to 3 years in prison after a conviction for defrauding Medicaid of $300,000 by writing bogus prescriptions. She had vigorously asserted "her" innocence, in that, she said, only one of her multiple personalities (uncontrollable by the others) had committed the crime. (The most memorable News of the Weird "dissociative identity disorder" case happened in 2002, when a Montana judge favored a woman by ruling that her spontaneous murder confession as one identity was inadmissible because one of her other identities had already "lawyered up" after a "Miranda" warning.) ■ Eileen Likness, 61, testified in Nov. that she (like 2 other women reported in News of the Weird) believes that when she was shot point-blank by an ex-boyfriend in WWW.GMTODAY.COM 2006 in Calgary, Alberta, her life was saved only because the 9mm bullet was slowed as it traveled through her breast implants. "(They) took the brunt of the force," she said at the trial of ex-boyfriend Frank Chora, who was eventually acquitted. ■ Wisconsin Circuit Court judge Tim Boyle is the most recent, in Dec., to attempt a solution to the intractable problem of deadbeat dads who continue to procreate even though unable to even modestly support the children they have had (usually with multiple mothers). Corey Curtis, 44, of Racine, was ordered not to father another child until he proves he can support the 9 he has had (with 6 women). (Incarcerating Curtis, with only males, would likely prevent No. 10, but do nothing to help the first 9.) ■ In the most recent instance of a store's locks improperly working to give the appearance that a closed store was doing business, a Kroger supermarket in Goshen, Ind., was unintentionally wide-open on Thanksgiving evening – with no employees (but with 24-hour lighting, as usual). Police on patrol noted that about a dozen customers were inside trying to use the self-checkout, but left quietly when informed that the store was closed. According to a police spokesperson, "(N)o one (attempted) to steal from the business." ■ In Dec., the car-parts retailer AutoZone became the most recent employer to fire a worker for taking action widely admired – but prohibited in the workplace because of the company's fear of liability. Devin McLean & his store manager in York County, Va., were herded into a back room by a gun-wielding holdup man &, being the only witnesses, understandably feared for their lives. However, McLean broke free, ran to his truck, & retrieved his gun. (He could have fled altogether but insisted that, morally, he could not abandon his colleague.) When McLean re-entered pointing his Glock 40, two things happened: (1) The robber fled, & (2) McLean became in violation of AutoZone's "zero tolerance" policy against employees bringing firearms into the store. 2 days later, he was fired. ■ Whose Best Friend? In Westfield, Mass., in Aug., & near Eureka, Calif., in Nov., families of dog owners drowned trying to save their pooches, who had allen into a lake & the ocean, respectively. The Massachusetts couple jumped out of their boat in Hampton Ponds State Park to retrieve their terrier, & the California couple & their son were swept out to sea after their dog wandered too deep into the surf to fetch a stick. Both dogs survived. Tips to Lose Weight and Keep It Off (StatePoint) In the midst of an obesity epidemic, it's easy to ignore that little bit of extra weight you may be carrying around. But experts warn that any amount of excess fat tissue around the middle can boost your risk for serious health issues like heart disease, diabetes and more. And unfortunately, there are no really easy solutions when it comes to sustained weight loss. "Fad diets promising a quick fix may help you drop weight quickly, but these programs can do more harm than good," says Dr. Jen Sacheck, Associate Professor of Nutrition at Tufts University and co-author of the new book, "Thinner this Year: A Diet and Exercise Program for Living Strong, Fit, and Sexy ." Sacheck, along with motivational speaker and co-author Chris Crowley, explain in plain English the science of what goes on inside your body – both when you're taking care of yourself and when you're not. They're urging those two-thirds of Americans that are overweight or obese to stop searching for magic weight loss solutions. "Preaching a commitment to proper nutrition and regular exercise may not win us any popularity contests," quips Crowley, "but at the end of the day, hard work is the only healthful way to lose weight and keep it off for good." Not only that, eating right and getting exercise can boost your mood, make you feel younger, and give you an overall better outlook on life. Whether you're looking to drop those extra pounds, or maintain a healthy weight as you age, keep these guidelines in mind: • Avoidance of entire food g roups or excessive consumption of others isn't healthy, realistic or sustainable. Why? Carbohydrates, fats and proteins play necessary & unique functions within our bodies and supply different nutrients crucial for health. • Ditch wasteful calories that come from foods that are nutritionally void – think processed and overly packaged foods, refined, flour products, all things fried or covered in creamy goop, sports drinks and other beverages with added sugar. Bottom line: eat real food. • About half of your diet should be fruits and vegetables. Enjoy healthy fats in moderation and avoid saturated and trans fat. When eating meat, make it lean. • Don't starve! You need energy to go about your day, especially if you're physically active. Skipping meals can actually lower your metabolism, making it harder to burn calories and lose weight. • Be prepared to commit to regular aerobic exercise and resistance training. There are no shortcuts. Exercise for forty-five to sixty minutes a day, six days a week, for the rest of your life. • Stay connected with friends and family. "We are built to care deeply about one another. Get isolated and you will literally get sick," says Crowley Friends can also . offer the best support when it comes to achieving your goals. For more information, or to connect with others, visit www.ThinnerThis Year.com. The sooner you get started, the sooner you'll see positive change. But remember; when it comes to sustainable weight loss, there are no miracles. Thanks This Week to John Swegan, Kathryn Wood, Russell Bell, Gerald Thomason, & Ken Vermette, & to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors. (Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL., 33679 or by email to WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com.) Skipping meals can actually lower your metabolism, making it harder to burn calories and lose weight. Beer Tasting for a Cause Rotary's Annual Brewfest Set for Feb. 9 By Jody L. Mayers Special to The Enterprise Sue Boyer/Special to the Enterprise Taking Aim OCONOMOWOC – Thirteen-year-old Mitchell Teuteberg, a seventh-grader at St. Jerome School, prepares to fire up a free-throw attempt in the annual Knights of Columbus free throw contest held last Saturday at the school. Teuteberg was one of more than a dozen boys and girls taking part in the event. OCONOMOWOC – The quintessential beer that Wisconsinites are so known for could actually have a purpose, said Megan Welsh, co-organizer of The Oconomowoc Rotary's annual Brewfest. "Last year we made over $10,000," she said. "One-half of the money raised each year goes to local projects supported by Oconomowoc Rotary ." Past projects sponsored by the Rotary include support of The Miracle Field, The Roundabout, Imagination Station, PTSA High School Scholarships, & the 4th of July Parade. "Additionally, Oconomowoc Rotary has long been a supporter of the Polio Plus project," Welsh explained. "One-half of the money raised from the event each year goes to the eradication of polio in the world. For me, that's the best part of this, we are so close to ending polio on our planet." The event is set to take place at Olympia Resort on Feb. 9 coinciding with Chili-Fest in downtown Oconomowoc. Welsh said she hopes the 7th annual event continues to gain momentum & draw in even more participants this year. "Participants started in the low 200s & it was at 363 last year," she said. "We would like to have 400 people this year." Welsh said the planning of the event begins in Sept. when the committee takes over details such as marketing, vendors, seeking sponsorship, ticket sales, facility set-up, & photography . "People who don't know each other end up tasting together, talking together & comparing what they like best," she said of past events. "It is a very social night." Welsh suggested buying the $40 tickets in advance & added that they would make a great Valentine's Day gift. "The cost includes beer, wine, food & fun," she said. "It is always a fun group of people & the beverages are fantastic. Olympia does a good job with the food and everyone is happy ." Joel Lammers, who is on the Brewfest committee, said the event is a bargain. "We not only offer beer & wine, but different liquors, soda, anything you can think of," he said. "The variety is almost overwhelming. You can't taste them all; believe me, I've tried." Welsh said 25 beer, wine & beverage vendors will be busy pouring drinks the evening of the event. In addition to quenching your thirst, Italian & Amer- ican food stations & a chocolate fountain will be available. "There is really something for everyone," Welsh said. "Only 3 countries remain polio endemic: Pakistan, Afghanistan & Nigeria. You can attend Brewfest & when polio is gone, you will know that you played a part." Lammers said the event is a great place to meet new people while supporting the community . "I've met great people in previous years who I'm still friends with now," he said. Mike Herro founded Brewfest & said it is a great way to represent local brew pubs & for people have the chance to meeting & question the brewmasters. "Festivals like this one gives everyone the opportunity to educate their palate to determine what style of beer or wine they truly enjoy expeditiously, & more importantly, have some fun & knowledge along the way," Herro said. At a Glance What: Brewfest When: 6 p.m. Feb. 9 Where: Olympia Resort & Conference Center, 1350 Royale Mile Road, Oconomowoc Tickets: $40 per person Information: www.oconomowocrotary.org Submitted photo Whitefish Bay's Jana and Erik Viel sample Oconomowoc's Sweet Mullets brews at last year's Brewfest.