21
Diversity Rules Magazine
October 2017
am gay… I am gay;" repeating it over and over until I
heard myself say it. I finally admitted what I was but
little did I know I was to have many more years of
wrenching internal conflict.
In my 30's I was starting to become very tired of playing
the games, making excuses, creating and maintaining a
double life. In 1997, at age 37 I finally came out but
I was worried about what people were going to think,
how they were going to treat me and what would hap-
pen to me here, in little provincial Oneonta.
To my surprise, coming out was not bad at all. Most
were not surprised at my news at all. At this point I
began to create my own life based on my true self; a
gay male. However, this created a lot more confusion,
as I was beginning to cast off the secure, but false life
I had been leading. I began to question my spiritual,
political, and social paradigms of life. I was starting
to create a whole new life paradigm based upon who
I really was. My life paradigm was always based upon
what others thought I should be and become.
When I turned 40, I was having severe panic attacks,
really questioning my core belief system to the point
where I finally sought help from a therapist to work
through things I could not make sense of. Doing this
helped me realize that there was nothing wrong with
me; that I was here to live MY life and not someone
else's or be the person that other folks thought I should
be. I was able to focus on other more important things
in my life than worrying about this stupid thing called
being gay.
At 46, I can honestly say I am happy. I never knew
what happiness was. It was always an elusive thing for
me; always reaching for it but never finding it. at
was so frustrating to me because I knew deep inside
myself that I deserved to be happy and could not un-
derstand why I was not or could not be.
I am now at the point in my life where I am secure
with myself and have cast off that vile, fabricated thing
I called a life. I have resolved to be as active as I can to
unwaveringly fight for equality.
So for those of you in the closet now, still living lives
of quiet desperation, I am here to give you the cour-
age and the support you need to be yourselves and to
tell you that there is hope for you; never give up your
dream of being able to be who you really are because
you can be everything you want to be, as an openly
Queer individual.
Until then, take charge, be strong and be well!
Need Help Coming Out?
If you are thinking about coming out or have just
come out and don't know where to turn, there is
a myriad of resources online that can help in your
journey to becoming the person you are truly
meant to be. The following resources may be
of some assistance to you and offer some solace
in knowing that you are not the only one going
through the trauma of coming out.
Human Rights Campaign's Resource Guide
www.hrc.org/resources/resource-guide-to-coming-out
Trevor Project Coming Out As You
www.thetrevorproject.org/section/YOU
UCLA LGBTQ Resources Center
www.lgbt.ucla.edu/Coming-Out-Resources
Gender Book Coming Out Resources
www.thegenderbook.com/coming-out-
resources/4581632123
Coming Out With Pride
www.pride.com/coming-out
LGBTQ Chat and Support Line
www.pride.com/coming-out
Empty Closets
forum.emptyclosets.com
LGBT Chat and Forums
lgbtchat.net
LGBT Chat Room
www.chatzy.com/lgbtChatRoom
No Justice, No Pride
nojusticenopride.org/
Happy Coming Out Day - October 11th!
