The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/83028
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, September 14, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien A group of coal miners in Ohio said that their bosses forced them to attend a Mitt Romney campaign event. You know you're boring when people would rather dig coal than listen to you speak! Today, the Mars rover broadcast a song by the Black Eyed Peas. So there you have it, folks: Mars really is uninhabitable! There's a new website that allows you to support Prince Harry by posting a naked photo of yourself. The website's called "Extremely Gullible Girls Gone Wild." Cinnabon is going to create the new Cinnabon pizza. They're also working on the new Type 3 diabetes. One of the newest trends in Iraq is knockoffs of American fast-food chains such as Burger Friends and KFG. There's even a cheap knockoff of an Italian restaurant: it's called the Olive Garden. The Tonight Show: Jay Leno Donald Trump was bumped from speaking at the Republican convention because of hurricane Isaac. See, nobody ever talks about the good things hurricanes do! Hurricane Isaac is officially a Category 1 hurricane. It was so windy that gas stations needed three guys working outside: two to hold the ladder while the other guy climbed up to raise the prices. Herman Cain was in Tampa. When a reporter asked him if Isaac reminded him of Katrina, he said: "I never even met the woman!" The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson An all-female rock band from Russia, in a Moscow cathedral, played a protest song about Vladimir Putin's ties to the church. Putin's henchmen tracked them down and threw them in prison. They were charged with hooliganism. Is that a crime?? That's like being charged with tomfoolery or shenanigans! Some Russians are claiming that Putin's election was rigged and that he has no legitimate claim to power. You know what these Russians are called? Missing. The Late Show: David Letterman According to "The New York Times," Iraq now loves American fast food. They hate us, but they love our fast food. This is how we work: we force democracy on them and then we sneak in morbid obesity! NASA has actually landed a car on Mars. It's called the Curiosity. That vehicle, now on Mars, cost two and a half million dollars. But when you drive that thing off the lot, instantly it's worth less than half that. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon As part of a new security measure, Nike will no longer open stores at midnight the day a new shoe is released. Yeah, they say it'll be much safer for everyone to get trampled to death in the morning. In a new interview, First Lady Michelle Obama said she doesn't have the time to read "Fifty Shades of Grey." Then it got weird when she added " ... again."