The Daily Star - Stay Tuned
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/60380
The Daily Star, Oneonta, N.Y., Friday, March 30, 2012 18 latelaughs Conan: Conan O'Brien A new study found that government employees are the happiest workers. The study was conducted not at the DMV. A couple in England has paid thousands of dollars to get their dog a facelift. Apparently, the dog was so ugly, other dogs were sniffing his face. The U.S. beat Italy in soccer for the first time ever. America hasn't embarrassed Italy this badly since the first Olive Garden opened. Rick Santorum took a swipe at Mitt Romney, saying money isn't going to buy this election. Two hours later, Mitt Romney bought Rick Santorum. The Tonight Show: Jay Leno It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and a politician? A cat doesn't pretend to care about you! In a speech on Wall Street the other day, President Obama compared himself to Gandhi. Well, that makes sense -- he's created a lot of jobs in India. In a recent interview, President Obama said when he plays golf, he doesn't want or expect people to give him a pass on any shots. However, he is hoping people will give him a mulligan in November. In New Jersey, an assemblyman has now proposed a bill that will require all babies and parents to take a DNA paternity test at birth. You've heard of Megan's Law? This is Maury's Law: You ARE the father! Ikea has just unveiled its first-ever Ikea house. It's an entire house you buy from Ikea that costs $86,000, comes with 1,000 square feet and takes 39 years to put together with that little Allen wrench. While visiting a GM plant, President Obama pledged to buy a Chevy Volt after his presidency ends in five years. Today, Mitt Romney said, "Make it one year, and I'll buy it for you." The Late, Late Show: Craig Ferguson Backstage we have a suggestion box and employees are encouraged to anonymously write down any way they feel we could improve the show. And I have a secret webcam watching the suggestion box so I know who to fire, and that makes me happy. There is a new survey out about the happiest professions. I think the whole premise is flawed. You're supposed to find true happiness outside of work, from friends, family and YouTube videos of old people falling down. Late Night: Jimmy Fallon I read that Kim Kardashian is being sued for $5 million for endorsing a diet pill that doesn't work. That's weird -- if there's anyone who's perfect to represent "not working," it's Kim Kardashian. A company in Connecticut is now selling a Mitt Romney action figure. Yeah, it'll actually bend to whatever position you want -- just like the real Mitt Romney! A 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world's oldest newlyweds. They're registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond.