The Brainerd Dispatch - Today's Entertainment Magazine
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/1501698
12•June18-24,2023•BrainerdDispatch JimmyKimmelLive! Whenyouthinkofallthe peopleIregularlymakefun of,it'salotofpeople.The onlytwowhohavetriedto stopmeareDonaldTrump andMarjorieTaylorGreene, whoactuallycalledthecops onme....ImadefunofO.J.a thousandtimes;hehasn't triedtokillmeonce. AccordingtotheU.S.patent office,Ford,theautomaker, consideredbuildingself- drivingcarsthatcan repossessthemselves.About twoyearsago,theyfileda patentthatlaidoutadesign forvehiclesthatcoulddrive themselvesbacktothe dealershipifthecustomer doesn'tpayhisbill.Canyou imagine,like,gettingevicted fromyourcondo,yougo outside,andyouseeyour F-150isleavingyou,too? LateNightWithSeth Meyers RepublicanCongressman MikeGallagherwarnedthat Chinawantstouseartificial intelligencetoperfectits "Orwelliansurveillance state."Unfortunately, Republicansdon'tknow whatthatmeansbecause theybannedthatbook. PresidentBidenreassured Americansthecountry's financialsystemissafe.OK, Ithinkthefactthatyou're talkingaboutabank collapseprovesitisn't— that'slikegoingtoafuneral andgivingaeulogyabout howNana'sgoingtobefine. wasjusthappytogetoutof hisbunker,whileXiwaslike, "Worstspringbreakever." Yep,PutinandXiwere togetherforoverfourhours, waitingfortheotheroneto siptheirdrinkfirst. Nearlyhalfabilliondollars worthofcocainewasfound floatingoffthecoastof Italy.It'sItaliancocaine,so youjustsprinkleitoveryour pasta.Ofcourse,everyone's talkingabouthowitdoesn't comparetothecocaine theirgrandmausedtomake. Teslajustlauncheditsown beercalledGigabier.Yeah. It'saTeslabeer.It'stheonly beerthatexplodesevenif youdon'tshakeit. Forthefirsttime,Amazon's self-drivingcartransported passengersonpublicroads. Thecardroveperfectly,then theywerethrownontotheir frontporchlikeacheapset ofluggage.Unfortunately, aftertheAmazoncar droppedoneguyoffathis doorstep,someoneranup andstolehim. TheStateDepartmentis changingtheirofficialfont fromTimesNewRomanto Calibri.Itfeelslikethisis thegovernment'sattempt tobelike,"We'refun.We're naughty."Yep,our governmentischanging fonts.Yep.Whenyouheard that,PresidentZelenskyy waslike,"Stillhere.Thisis stillhappening.We'lltake anything.We'lltaketanks, missiles,slingshots, boomerangs." avertingatrial....Iwantmy trial!Youweresupposedto providemewithsixweeks ofdeliciouscontent.I wantedtoseeRupert Murdochputhishandon thebibleandburstinto flames.Accordingto Dominion,thesettlement wasforagargantuan $797.5million.That'salot ofdough-minion. Accordingtoinsiders,the formerpresident[Trump]is facinga"softban"atFox. What?What?They're banningtheex-president? That'sliketheDiscovery Channelbanningsharks.No onewantstowatch"Salty Water"week. TheTonightShow StarringJimmyFallon ChinesePresidentXiJinping traveledtoRussiatomeet withVladimirPutin.Putin TheLateShowWith StephenColbert Bigdairyhasbeenlobbying theFDAtopreventmakers ofnon-dairymilksfrom callingitmilk.Well,nowthe FDAhasissuedguidance thatsaysplant-based beveragesthatbill themselvesasmilkcan officiallykeepusingthe name.Thatisahugewinfor non-dairymilks,especially allthosealmondstheykeep artificiallypregnant. Accordingtoanewstudy, procrastinationcanmake youdepressedandpoor. But,youknowwhat?It's late,you'retired;be depressedandpoor tomorrow. FoxNewssettledtheir defamationsuitwith DominionVotingSystems, Late Laughs SATURDAY'SSOLUTION FRIDAY'SSOLUTION Hours:Mon-Sat9-5•Hwy.210W,Aitkin (218)927-6446 •Tools •Furniture •Housewares •Gifts •NewInventory ArrivingWeekly 25,000Sq.Ft. ToShopFrom 35548CountyRoad66,Crosslake www.trebilhearing.com|218.692.6072 Don'tlethearingdifficultiesgetinthewayofyour mostimportantrelationships.Contactusbyphone oronlinetodaytoscheduleyourfreehearingtest andlearnaboutthelatestdiscreetandeffective treatmentoptions. HealthyHearing KeepsYouConnected Hungry? H Dining Guide 2023 LAKES AREA AN ECHO JOURNAL/ BRAINERD DISPATCH PUBLICATION LAKES AREA BECOMING CULINARY KALEIDOSCOPE DESSERTS TO TEMPT YOUR PALATE FEATURED DISHES Checkoutthe 2023LakesArea DiningGuide INDEPENDENTLY OWNED&OPERATED BYJEFF&TRACYSWENSON 218-828-4320 chemdryofthelakes.com WEALSOCLEAN: •WOOD&VINYL FLOORS •TILE&GROUT •GRANITECOUNTER TOPRENEWAL ServingCrowWing,Aitkin,Morrison,Todd, N.MilleLacsandSouthernCassCounties ASKABOUTOURCURRENTSPECIALS! ThankYouforvotingus theBestCarpetCleaner 3yearsinarow! SUPERIORCARPET& UPHOLSTERYCLEANING m W 8284320