Jersey Shore Magazine

j e r s e y s h o r e • S P R I N G 2 0 2 3 11 prised at how long kids utilize our services," she said. "Some children begin the program in the six to twelve age group and then move to a teen group and stay through high school graduation. Many say that Common Ground is like a family to them. One of the important reasons that kids stay in the program for a number of years is that kids understand their loss differently as they grow." She went on to say the six-year- old who is attending their program understands their loss differently than the nine-year-old or the teen, and that the processing of that loss emerges on a deeper, more insightful level as kids grow. Snyder loves seeing when youth who went through the program go through the facilitator training to become a volunteer to help the next generation of kids like them because they received so much from Common Ground. However, the most rewarding part for Snyder is witnessing the transformation of the thousands of young people and families they have helped since first opening their doors in 2009. "I see them come in for an orientation so sad and broken. Being with people who listen to them without judgement and allow them to express their innermost feelings helps them to heal and reinvest in life again. It is a beautiful and deeply moving experience to witness." Snyder also explained the so-called "five stages of grief" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and accep- tance) were originally developed by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross while work- ing with dying patients. "Somehow, these stages got attached to those who were grieving," she said. "The problem with these stages is that they are linear, going from point A to point B. We know that grief is cycli- cal, meaning those grieving revisit their feelings over time." Hence, the five stages can set peo- ple up for failure when they think they are supposed to go through all five stages and in that order. Some people never feel the anger or go through depression. "We do a lot of education concerning the stages of grief. Unfortunately, when someone experiences a loss, it is one of the first things they will search on the internet," Snyder said. Snyder recommended that one of the best things anyone can do when they are with a grieving child, teen, or adult, is to be a good lis- tener. "Listening with love, without judgement or advice, and being fully present with that person is one of the best gifts you can give them," she said. "We tend to want to take away their pain or say something to make them feel better, when in fact, we don't need to have answers. We just need to be a really good listener." That can be a very difficult thing for most people to do, but the facilitators at Common Ground are trained to be active listeners without judgement or providing advice. "The power of connection for those hurting is profound," Snyder said. "We love what we do and are hon- ored and humbled to witness healing in the face of insurmountable pain." —Jill Ocone As a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit orga- nization, Common Ground does not charge families a fee for its services. Instead, the organization relies on contributions from individuals, corporations, and foundations, as well as proceeds from their fundraisers. Common Ground's largest fundraiser is their annual Clambake, which will be held this year on June 22, 2023 at Martell's Tiki Bar on the Point Pleasant Beach boardwalk. The event, which will run from 5:30 PM to 9:30 PM, will feature entertainment by The Eddie Testa Band. While Martell's provides the majority of the food, this year will include a few chef-inspired tastes from local restaurants. There will be a cash bar, 50/50 raffle, and a floating lantern vigil along the edge of the ocean at 9:00 PM. In November, Common Ground hosts their Light of Life - Walk of Remembrance fund- raiser where the public can purchase luminar- ies. The luminaries are lit with electric candles and placed along Arnold Avenue in Point Pleasant Beach or Main Street in Manasquan. In addition to monetary donations, Common Ground offers a number of volun- teer opportunities, including maintenance and upkeep tasks, assisting with programs and special projects, fundraising helpers, and vol- unteer facilitators, which requires four days of training. The Common Ground Grief Center is located at 67 Taylor Avenue in Manasquan. For more information about volunteer oppor- tunities, monetary donations, or to purchase Clambake tickets, call (732) 606-7477 or visit www.commongroundgriefcenter.org and www.facebook.com/commongroundgriefcenter. Children write messages to their loved ones on wooden leaves, which are added to a tree mural. Jonathan Suska Teens at Common Ground enjoying a moment of light-hearted bonding. Jonathan Suska

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