The Brainerd Dispatch - Today's Entertainment Magazine
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/1492428
12 • February 12 - 18, 2023 • Brainerd Dispatch his team sent a letter to Mark Zuckerberg requesting that they unblock his account. I'm actually surprised Trump wants to get back on Facebook. ... Isn't Facebook just an unpleasant annual reminder that Don Jr. and Eric were born? Facebook said they are going to "look to experts to assess whether the risk to public safety has receded." This is like Jurassic Park saying they're going to ask around to see if it's cool to let the raptors out again. Late Night With Seth Meyers According to a new poll, President Biden would defeat former president Trump in a hypothetical 2024 election rematch by eight points. Pretty bad, but not as defeated as I feel hearing about that poll. Can we not do this yet? It's January. The only thing I want to hear less than a presidential poll is a Christmas carol. In a series of posts yesterday on Truth Social, former president Trump pushed back against claims that he illegally stored classified files at Mar-a-Lago and accused federal agents of planting documents inside of empty folders he had taken. Oh, you are trying anything. That's like telling the police, "Someone else put the cocaine there. I just collect tiny plastic baggies." changing their official font from Times New Roman to Calibri. It feels like this is the government's attempt to be like, "We're fun. We're naughty." Yep, our government is changing fonts. Yep. When you heard that, President Zelenskyy was like, "Still here. This is still happening. We'll take anything. We'll take tanks, missiles, slingshots, boomerangs." Jimmy Kimmel Live! Fortunately for Brett Maher, the Cowboys won [on Jan. 16]; it's the first time they ever beat Tom Brady. He was 7-0 against Dallas, lifetime. Now he's 7-1. Brady was reportedly so upset after the game he ate a carb. Just one, but, you know, those things will kill you. This could turn out to be Tom Brady's last game for Tampa Bay. George Santos, despite being exposed as a fraud — this guy has an almost comical list of lies to his name now — was assigned to not one but two committees. New speaker Kevin McCarthy put him on the Science Committee and the Space and Technology Committee, which makes sense because he's the only congressman who found a cure for cancer and successfully manned a mission to Mars, all this year alone. Meanwhile, [Donald Trump is] desperately trying to get back on Facebook. You know, "Honey, we're spending too much on entertainment so either we cancel one of our streaming services or I shove your grandpa into the river. Which is it: Netflix or P-Pop?" The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon A new poll found that President Biden's approval rating has not been affected by the classified documents scandal. Today, Biden said, "In that case, there's another 100 documents stashed in the pool house. Let's just get that out." The State Department is Sudoku Fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. Solution below The Late Show With Stephen Colbert The Taliban — they've been making headlines this week after they started buying blue check marks on Twitter. That is not good. I don't want that. Now Twitter might be full of awful men saying terrible things about women. The U.S. has reached its $31.4 trillion debt ceiling. Now, normally Congress automatically raises the debt limit as needed, but House Republicans are refusing in order to "leverage the standoff to extract major spending cuts ... on social programs ... including Social Security and Medicare." That is an insane negotiating tactic. That's pretty drastic. 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Isn't Facebook just an unpleasant annual reminder that Don Jr. and Eric were born? Facebook said they are going to "look to experts to assess whether the risk to public safety has receded." This is like Jurassic Park saying they're going to ask around to see if it's cool to let the raptors out again. Late Night With Seth Meyers According to a new poll, President Biden would defeat former president Trump in a hypothetical 2024 election rematch by eight points. Pretty bad, but not as defeated as I feel hearing about that poll. Can we not do this yet? It's January. The only thing I want to hear less than a presidential poll is a Christmas carol. In a series of posts yesterday on Truth Social, former president Trump pushed back against claims that he illegally stored classified files at Mar-a-Lago and changing their official font from Times New Roman to Calibri. It feels like this is the government's attempt to be like, "We're fun. We're naughty." Yep, our government is changing fonts. Yep. When you heard that, President Zelenskyy was like, "Still here. This is still happening. We'll take anything. We'll take tanks, missiles, slingshots, boomerangs." Jimmy Kimmel Live! Fortunately for Brett Maher, the Cowboys won [on Jan. 16]; it's the first time they ever beat Tom Brady. He was 7-0 against Dallas, lifetime. Now he's 7-1. Brady was reportedly so upset after the game he ate a carb. Just one, but, you know, those things will kill you. This could turn out to be Tom Brady's last game for Tampa Bay. George Santos, despite being exposed as a fraud — this guy has an almost comical list of lies to his name now — was assigned to not one but two committees. New speaker Kevin McCarthy put him on the Science Committee and the Space and Technology Committee, which makes sense because he's the "Honey, we're spending too much on entertainment so either we cancel one of our streaming services or I shove your grandpa into the river. Which is it: Netflix or P-Pop?" The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon A new poll found that President Biden's approval rating has not been affected Sudoku Fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. Solution below The Late Show With Stephen Colbert The Taliban — they've been making headlines this week after they started buying $31.4 trillion debt ceiling. Now, normally Congress automatically raises the debt limit as needed, but House Republicans are refusing in order to Late Laughs