The Brainerd Dispatch - Today's Entertainment Magazine
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/1471188
12 • June 19 - 25, 2022 • Brainerd Dispatch does not seek re-election. Dude, have you seen what happens to New York City mayors who run for president? It has about the same success rate as asking out the barista. Krispy Kreme will give out free doughnuts this week to any high school or college senior that visits a store wearing Class of 2022 apparel. And Dunkin' said they'd give a free doughnut to anyone who comes in wearing a shirt. Any shirt. The luxury automaker Mercedes-Benz announced last week that it has sold the world's most expensive car to a private owner for $142 million. Apparently, it costs that much because the tank is full. Burger King. Kanye has so much beef they're turning them into Big Macs now. Late Night With Seth Meyers When asked by a reporter over the weekend [May 21 - 22] if he had a message for North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, President Biden said, "Hello, period." Which sounds lame, but remember a "hello" followed by a period is the scariest text you can receive. New York Mayor Eric Adams is reportedly thinking about running for president in 2024 if President Biden "bald" at work. Instead, people in the U.K. legally have to refer to them as "hair-free and carefree." So, let this be a warning: If you harass a bald man at work, rest assured you will have "toupée." Jimmy Kimmel Live! Here's the thing: I am not allowed to fish without a licence. It shouldn't be easier to get an AR-15 than a rainbow trout. It just shouldn't. McDonald's, by the way, is now in business with Kanye West. For real. I guess they saw all his social media posts threatening to kill Pete Davidson and they're like, yeah, "Maybe he could do that for us." Look out, The Late Late Show With James Corden Some Latin-American leaders are now saying that they will boycott the [S]ummit [of the Americas] because the United States is refusing to invite ... Cuba, Venezuela and Nicaragua .... And I've got to be honest, the boycott party sounds way more fun, doesn't it? "Summit of the Americas" sounds like a Disneyland show that had to be shut down because of offensive animatronic characters. A three-judge panel [in the U.K.] has ruled that it's considered sexual harassment to call men theaters across the country. That's right, it is finally out after a three-year delay. When they heard, even Spirit Airlines was like, "... respect." Prince William's 40th birthday is next month, and to celebrate, he is being featured on a five-pound commemorative coin. And this is cool: the back of the coin has his bald spot. Deputies in Ohio encountered an Amish man who is suspected of being under the influence while operating a horse and buggy. [The cop said, "He'll get home. The horse knows how to get home."] That's basically the Amish version of a self-driving Tesla. Sudoku Fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. Solution below The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Despite the horrific shootings in Uvalde, Texas, the Senate just skipped town for a two-week break without any action on guns. Chuck Schumer has planned on pushing through a vote to get everyone on the record, but yesterday [May 25] he bailed, explaining there was no point in doing so given that Republican opposition was "crystal clear." Well, he's just following the old adage, "If at first you don't succeed, byeeee!" Right now, the United States has approximately 400 million firearms, which is more than 40% of the total guns in the entire world. That stat's even more harrowing considering we have 100% of the world's Floridas. The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Today [May 24] "Top Gun: Maverick" was released in Late Laughs SATURDAY'S SOLUTION FRIDAY'S SOLUTION INDEPENDENTLY OWNED & OPERATED BY JEFF & TRACY SWENSON 218-828-4320 chemdryofthelakes.com WE ALSO CLEAN: • WOOD & VINY L FLOORS • TILE & GROUT • GRANITE COUNTER TOP RENEWAL Serving Crow Wing, Aitkin, Morrison, Todd, N. Mille Lacs and Southern Cass Counties ASK ABOUT OUR CURRENT SPECIALS! Thank You for voting us the Best Carpet Cleaner 3 years in a row! SUPERIOR CARPET & UPHOLSTERY CLEANING Your Hometown Full-Service Jewelry Ste Family Owned and Operated Since 1984 35548 County Road 66, Crosslake www.trebilhearing.com | 218.692.6072 Don't let hearing difficulties get in the way of your most important relationships. Contact us by phone or online today to schedule your free hearing test and learn about the latest discreet and effective treatment options. Healthy Hearing Keeps You Connected Hours: Mon-Sat 9-5 • Hwy. 210 W, Aitkin (218) 927-6446 • Tools • Furniture • Housewares • Gifts • New Inventory Arriving Weekly 25,000 Sq. Ft. To Shop From does not seek re-election. Dude, have you seen what happens to New York City mayors who run for president? It has about the same success rate as asking out the barista. Krispy Kreme will give out free doughnuts this week to any high school or college senior that visits a store wearing Class of 2022 apparel. And Dunkin' said they'd give a free doughnut to anyone who comes in wearing a shirt. Any shirt. The luxury automaker Mercedes-Benz announced Burger King. Kanye has so much beef they're turning them into Big Macs now. Late Night With Seth Meyers When asked by a reporter over the weekend [May 21 - 22] if he had a message for North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, President Biden said, "Hello, period." Which sounds lame, but remember a "hello" followed by a period is the scariest text you can receive. New York Mayor Eric Adams is reportedly thinking about running for president in 2024 if President Biden "bald" at work. Instead, people in the U.K. legally have to refer to them as "hair-free and carefree." So, let this be a warning: If you harass a bald man at work, rest assured you will have "toupée." Jimmy Kimmel Live! Here's the thing: I am not allowed to fish without a licence. It shouldn't be easier to get an AR-15 than a rainbow trout. It just shouldn't. McDonald's, by the way, is now in business with Kanye The Late Late Show With James Corden Some Latin-American leaders are now saying that they will boycott the [S]ummit [of the Americas] because the United States is refusing to invite ... Cuba, Venezuela and Nicaragua .... And I've got to be honest, the boycott party sounds way more fun, doesn't it? "Summit of the Americas" sounds like a Disneyland show that had to be shut down because of offensive animatronic characters. A three-judge panel [in the U.K.] has ruled that it's considered sexual harassment to call men theaters across the country. That's right, it is finally out after a three-year delay. When they heard, even Spirit Airlines was like, "... respect." Prince William's 40th birthday is next month, and to celebrate, he is being featured on a five-pound commemorative coin. And this is cool: the back of the coin has his bald spot. Deputies in Ohio encountered an Amish man who is suspected of being under the influence while Sudoku Fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. Solution below The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Despite the horrific shootings in Uvalde, Texas, the Senate just skipped town for a two-week break without any action on guns. Chuck Schumer has planned on pushing through a vote to get everyone on the record, but yesterday [May 25] he "If at first you don't succeed, byeeee!" Right now, the United States has approximately 400 million firearms, which is more than 40% of the total guns in the entire world. That stat's even more harrowing considering we have 100% of the world's Floridas. Late Laughs