North Bay Woman

38 NORTH BAY WOMAN S P R I N G | S U M M E R 2 0 2 2 ed to accept that my village might not always do things the same way I do. Other people were going to have to help raise my children if I wanted to continue climbing the corporate ladder. As a working mother, I simply can't do it all, and that's OK. Wherever I can, I seek support for the tasks my children will not notice if someone else does, freeing up my time to be with them. For example, my children don't pay atten- tion to who buys the groceries (although they always ap- preciate special treats!), but they do care if mom has time to have dinner with them, bathe them and read a story together before bed. Let's just say, grocery delivery services are now my best friends! I am also fortunate to have a mother-in-law who lives with us and can help take care of her grandchildren. These sometimes-difficult choices have allowed me to be an awesome mom and to excel in my career, as both are important to me. But then the pandemic hit… Working women were expected to remain high performers while juggling the uncompensated and emotional labor demands of stay-at-home moms (who deserve much more credit than they are given). The intensifying pressure to remain on top of everything, coupled with my relentless pursuit for perfection became, at times, insurmountable. The silver lining is the quality time I got back with my family. By being in each other's space 24/7 we became so close, something I yearned to have for as long as I can re- member. However, there were also moments of madness. If anything, the experience has taught me to appreciate the jobs I don't have to do. Nothing could have prepared me for homeschooling my kids, but I gained a new appre- ciation for the teachers who educate our children. As many moms will attest, we had to adapt to online school with our kids to ensure they could maintain their grades and education. My eldest was in kindergarten when learning moved online. He is now in second grade. I made sure to stay in contact with his teacher to deter- mine how I would best facilitate his learning. I am proud to have helped him learn important life skills, like reading, that have filled him with so much confidence. Sometimes I pinch myself because I actually helped teach my son to read! Professionally, I am in awe of my marketing department at Bank of Marin. Watching us come together in a remote setting to continue to deliver an incredible product was very rewarding. The team really stepped up to the plate, and despite the uncertainties and challenges brought about by the pandemic, we persevered and supported one another. So going forward, how do I stay motivated? How do I keep going? I recently heard someone use the phrase "work-life harmony" versus "work-life balance." For me, living my best life means achieving work-life harmony. The four areas I call my happiness buckets are: kid time, down time (my husband lovingly fits into here), workout time and work time. Things are not always going to be exactly level or balanced, but I have come to be at peace with the fact that there will be ebb and flow between my personal and professional life. The important thing is to ensure that one does not overtake the other. They simply need to average out. This pandemic nearly kicked my butt, but I didn't let it get me down. Like most working and stay-at-home moms that I know, I am proud of my true grit and what it has empowered me to accomplish. As women, as mothers, no matter what comes our way, if we lean on our village, all of us will come out the other side stronger. Stephanie Sebastiani Navigating gender dysphoria with my pre-teen When I was 25, I got pregnant unexpectedly and I had a "baby girl." I am now 40 and I have a "teenage boy." I can't possibly explain what it's been like for him. I won't even try. But as a mom I have a story of my own process and experience with raising my child through transition that maybe isn't talked about as of- ten. I can only speak on my journey with raising my kid thus far through his process with gender dysphoria. Parenting is hard as fuck. It's also very rewarding of course, or we'd never do it. There's so much love and so much growth, but mainly it's hard and there's grief and sadness and joy and love and all the things in between. It's gotta be OK to talk about all of the bad and horribly hard just as much as the good and ab- solutely beautiful uncertainty of it all. I believe we all have a different story that's also the freaking same in so many ways with different layers. When my child was 11, and nearing the end of sixth grade, then going by Arissa she/her, on a drive home from school everything changed. It was just a normal day. Who knows what I was even stressing about that day, probably what am I doing with my life, what's for dinner, you know the basics. I picked him up and lately we haven't been talking much for the 20-minute car ride. I'd ask ques- tions like. "What was the most interesting thing at school today?" And it was always "I don't know" and he would just stare out the window. So, I let him sit in silence, and I just hoped he would talk first. But on this day, he gets in the car and immediately it feels different, like he wants to talk. We barely got 5 minutes down the road before he said, "Mom, I have to tell you something." My first response, I don't even think I skipped a beat – Photo courtesy of Stephanie Sebastiani

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