Diversity Rules Magazine

5 Diversity Rules Magazine October 2017 speak again, I sat down to write. It was one of those songs that wrote itself, everything from the chord struc- ture to the string arrangements, the melody and lyrics - it was like I was channeling the song into existence. I wrote, produced, and recorded it all in one eve- ning. e lyrics had a specific meaning to me when I wrote it, but over time I've discovered that it applies to so many other types of relationships and situations. JRK: Can you tell us about your video for "Can't Let You Go?" H: I knew that I wanted the video to have a strong storyline, something that you could enjoy even if the sound was on mute. I had been revisiting Alanis Morrisette's Jagged Little Pill, and there's a song on the album called Your House where she basically breaks in to her exes apartment and spends an after- noon there. at was the starting point in developing the story for the video. I didn't want the audience to know exactly what was going on until the third act. I imagined the story to be told with choreography, so I worked with Andrew Pearson who came up with beau- tiful movements that brought it all to life. e final result is a video that I'm incredibly proud of, and so many viewers have sent me messages about how they related to the story - which is more than I could have ever asked for. JRK: You have stated that music was an escape for you when you were a child. Can you tell us how so? H: I'm an only child, and my parents got divorced when I was very young. My dad was an alcoholic and never had a steady job or income, so my mom had to work three jobs to keep food on the table. I spent a lot of time alone with a babysitter. I would be in my room listening to music and singing to myself for hours. My cousin had given me her yellow sport Walk- man with Janet Jackson's Escapade cassette single. Side A was the radio single and Side B had the instrumental track. Using my stuffed animal collection as an audi- ence, I would perform Escapade over and over again. Eventually my music collection grew and I had a set- list that included Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and Mariah Carey. When I was singing, I was present, and I wasn't thinking about anything else. Any pain that I was going through washed away when the music started. I knew that one day life would get better, and I would have songs of my own. It's all I ever wanted to do. JRK: Bullying is a terrible thing in a young person's life. You were bullied as a child. Can you tell us why, and how you reacted to the bullying? H: Elementary school through junior high were tough years for me. I was always performing, so I was an easy target for the hyper mas- culine insecure boys. One of the hardest things I remember was at an awards as- sembly when I was being honored for planning and organizing the student activities for the year. A few kids that always picked on me started booing and yelling "faggot," and then the en- tire auditorium joined in until the fac- ulty tried to resolve the situation. I was standing there, next to my favorite teacher, and she put her arm around me and kept whis- pering "stay strong." I did, and just kind of bit my lip until the ceremony ended. e students filed out of the room and left, leaving me and my teacher alone in the auditorium. I broke down in fetal position, inconsol- able, and feeling like this bullying would never end. Luckily, I was accepted into an arts high school where I found my tribe and I never had to see those people again. Or so I thought. Years later when I was in my early twenties, I was living in San Francisco and went to a house party where I ran into one of those boys who made my life a living hell. I don't know what I ex- pected, but he was so excited to see me and hugged me like we were childhood friends. I was in the twilight zone, it was like none of that had ever happened. May- be he forgot, or maybe he remembered and the guilt was too much for him to bare. Whatever the case, I didn't bring it up, and as time went by I actually got to know him as an adult and he turned into a decent guy. I don't know what some of those kids went through at home, but I can't imagine they had great parents. I for- give them, but it doesn't mean I don't still deal with the trauma - because I really do. I've had severe anxiety my whole life and suffer from panic attacks. But I love my life and who I am today - and as difficult as those ex- periences were, I don't know if I would be the creative person I am today without them. I made it through, and I have the tools to help me cope. JRK: What would you say to a young child or ado- lescent who is being bullied? H: If you are being bullied, it is not because of you. You are not the problem, you are not broken, you are Hound - Con't on page 6

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