The O-town Scene

April 21, 2011

The O-town Scene - Oneonta, NY

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Vintage Video by Sam Benedict ‘Galaxy of Terror’ (1981) As the title letters to “Galaxy of Terror” appear on screen, they’re accompanied by an abrupt laser beam barrage _ as if trying to blast a healthy fear of early ’80s light shows into our sockets. It’s an all-consuming dread we can only assume includes laser eye surgery. A mysterious sort of overlord known affectionately as “The Master” to his friends has handpicked an assort- ment of cosmonauts to hurry to the site of a supposed rescue mission. Contrary to the massive scope the title suggests, the advertised “Terror” is mostly confined to the fatal tourist trap of one world: Morganthus, which sounds very much like some suspicious extra-terrestrial financial institution. Indeed, astronauts, not to mention sci-fi fans, “invest” their time there at their own risk. This super-group could have used about a decade of team-building exercises, but there’s no time for that. The crew of casualties-in-waiting includes Cos (Jack Blessing), an instantly hysterical Shaggy of a space cadet who has no Scooby-Doo to ease his hair-trigger nerves. Captain Trantor (Grace Zabriskie), meanwhile, moves herself to menopausal near-orgasm by recklessly accel- erating her Millenium Falcon-esque “scrap heap.” At one point, her Apple IIC screen actually reads “vibra- tion exceeding maximum” as she exhorts her vehicle to “C’mon, baby, give me more.” Then there’s Baelon (Zalman King), who’s a first-class nasty bastard. As the platoon pursues their murky detail, burdened by backpacks that pre-date “Ghostbusters” but post- date flashlights (seemingly their primary function), it becomes (mildly) clear that some shape-shifting force is preying upon them all. This premise _ of outer space as homicidally mean-spirited haunted house _ has infected future sci-fi efforts. Films like “Sphere” (1998) and “Event Horizon” (1997), for instance, subscribe to the same sort of spooky model. As in the case of so many earthly horror films, Ter- ror’s gallery of characters is defined, and subsequently consumed by, their fears in incredibly short order. Such ruthless efficiency eliminates them from the narrative equation before we really get to know too much else about them. “I hate worms,” the likeable-but-doomed Dameia (Taaffe O’ Connell) admits. Congratulations, Dameia, your refreshing candor’s won you the chance to be murderously ravaged by an enormous worm! Quuhod, meanwhile, is the strong, silent, giant crystal weapon-wielding type. He apparently received the memo about avoiding lasers, and makes the tragic mistake of stashing his whole see-through arsenal of jumbo ninja stars in one basket. “I live and I die by the crystals!” he stub- bornly insists, essentially dictating the inscription soon to appear upon his crystal tombstone. One of the wee wide- eyed maggots that feeds upon Quuhod’s severed arm (stay with me now) grows up to be the bogey-worm that attacks Dameia minutes later _ which is what, so ques- tionably, qualifies as an inspirational story in this galaxy, I guess. Morganthus turns out to be more than a bit of a morbid pyramid scheme, which comes complete with the deceptively-dilapidated ruins of an actual pyramid. The understandably petrified bunch are unwitting competitors in a deadly kind of pageant, meant to select the new “Master” of a galaxy that apparently can’t come to grips with the notion of popular elections. The present Master doesn’t mask his voice very well, but his face is obscured by a pesky, pervasive red glow. Is he afflicted with a space-age case of rosacea? Is this Master the same one that also happens to be the Shogun of Harlem? Could he be blushing out of uber- embarrassment, either because he’s running the galaxy so terribly or because he’s appearing in “Galaxy of Terror”? Only the Master knows, obviously. Cabren (Edward Albert) emerges as the obvious front-runner for Master status fairly early on _ his hair and mustache are unassailably awesome, after all. There’s a whole heap of cool casting populating this Galaxy. A pre-Elm Street Robert Englund appears as the relatively good-natured Ranger, undoubtedly taking notes on the waking nightmares on parade here. Sid “House of 1,000 Corpses” Haig checks in as Quuhod; that this merciless universe houses less carcasses is only for lack of sequels, not for lack of trying. The most ingenuous choice, perhaps, is Ray “My Favorite Martian” Walston, who plays Kore, the all- too-knowing cook in residence. “There’s no horror here we don’t create ourselves,” Cabren’s kick-ass mustache mutters in helpful conclusion near Galaxy’s climax. “If that’s true, it’s finished.” A street-corner of terror is one thing; one sovereign nation under terror is feasible as all hell. Even a whole planet humbly devoted to terror is something to shoot for (Robert Rodriguez did in 2007 with a film of the same name). But an entire galaxy? That sounds pro- hibitively expensive, indeed. But such is the sweepingly appalling promise of this 1981 picture directed by B.D. Clark, and scripted by Clark and Mark Siegler (outline by Mark Stout). Still, G.O.T. achieves a memorably bleak look, a hopeless but absorbing waste-world of blues and greys, steep sides and sliding stone doors. Its vision is not farseeing so much as immediately focused on the age of the video arcade. Grade: C A street-corner of terror is one thing; one sovereign nation under terror is feasible as all hell. Even a whole planet humbly devoted to terror is something to shoot for. But an entire galaxy? 18 O-Town Scene April 21, 2011 Associated Press In this publicity image released by The Weinstein Company, David Arquette, left, and Courteney Cox are shown in a scene from the horror film ‘Scream 4.’ ‘Scream 4’ is laughable It has been 10 years since director Wes Craven has given us a film in the “Scream” franchise, the series for which he is probably most famous. It has been 15 years since the original movie came out with Sidney Prescott, played by Neve Campbell, as the center of a bloody slaughterfest in her small anywhere, U.S.A., home- town. The question is, was it worth the wait? Not really. The newest installment does not pack the same punch as the original, whose humor was much slyer. It is hard to talk about this movie without comparing it to the original. Part of what made that movie great was the combination of horror and the blatant commentary of hor- ror flicks in the movie. The tongue-in-cheek horror flick aspect that made “Scream” unique seems contrived in Scream, the fourth. In “Scream 4,” grown-up Sidney Prescott returns home to West- burrow for the last stop in her self-help book tour. Her return also lines up with the anniversary of the killings that made her and the town famous when she was a teenager. What a coincidence! She reunites with her old now-married pals Dewey (David Arquette) and Gale (Courtney Cox), and a ragtag group of friends reminiscent of the original entourage, but not. Campbell is the best part of this movie, but that is not saying much. As Sidney, she is a pro who doesn’t mess around when it comes to dealing with a serial killer. She is not afraid to throw a punch and kick an assailant in the face. Arquette and Cox were just difficult to watch. Probably the scariest part of the movie was the results of Cox’s obvious plastic surgery. None of the young stars shine in any way; they just get gutted and slashed in an unsatisfying way. Part of what made “Scream” fun is the sheer ridiculousness of the deaths, like when one teenager gets killed by a rising garage door while stuck in the dog door. In “Scream 4,” all the killer does is stab, stab and stab again. Where is the creativity? Where are the crazy deaths? Craven may have wanted audiences to laugh with the movie, but it’s more likely audiences will laugh at it. The franchise has toggled the line between obscurity and terror. But, this fourth, and hopefully final, installment just left a poorly inspired taste in my mouth. To quote the final lines of the movie, “Don’t mess with the original.” Yeah, I wish Craven hadn’t. _ Peter Eklund Grade: D-

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