The O-town Scene - Oneonta, NY
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/19934
The Advice Goddess By When plush comes to shove I fear I’ve already turned off the new guy I’m dating because of a ritual I can’t seem to give up. I sleep with a stuffed bunny. I’m in my mid-30s, but I’ve had it since childhood, and I just find sleeping with it comforting. For the first month of dating this guy, I didn’t bring it to bed. But now that I’m feeling more relaxed with him, I grab for it after we’ve finished our intimate stuff. He seems rather unimpressed, to say the least. The other night, he said something like “Now, how old are you again?” Is this something I need to stop doing, or something that some- body who cares about me should just accept? — Can’t Let Go Of Floppy Back when they couldn’t show sex in movies, they’d let you know it’d happened by showing a couple hav- ing drinks and kissing, then cut to one of them in bed smoking a cigarette — not sucking a thumb and cuddling a bunny. The guy you’re dating has an image of you in his mind — probably as a sophisti- cated, sexy, sensual adult woman. Surprise, surprise, after doing unspeakable things with you in bed, he finds it unsettling to see you spooning Floppy, and maybe worries for a moment that he just committed a crime. He might feel different if you just had the bunny on the shelf as a souvenir of your childhood. For a lot of guys, that’s no big deal. There are even some who’d be okay with the bunny in the bed — like the mid-level manager who attends Comic-Con in a Klingon suit and goes to sleep afterward in Spider-Man footsie pajamas. In psychology, a stuffed animal is a “tran- sitional object” — a thing that helps a child work through his or her separation from Mommy. Like your current guy, a lot of guys will be turned off when, after sex, you turn away from them to make sleepies with your bunny. To give yourself the widest selection of dating partners, you’ll need a new bedtime ritual. My suggestion? Put Flops on a shelf and fall asleep thinking happy thoughts about how you’re making room for a very special new friend — one who might be missing fur on his head, but not because the neighbors’ dog used him as a chew-toy when you were 5. Flower grazing I’m online dating again, but I’m now a vegetarian and gluten intolerant. Should I mention this in my profile, or just break the news gently on our first date? I think I can accept a man who eats meat. (I’d say my desire to find a great guy is greater than my fear of the oc- casional bloody steak on the barbeque.) But, is it reasonable to request a man who only eats meat once or twice a day, four times a week, max? — Animal Lover Why did the Tofurkey cross the road? Of course, to beg somebody to eat it. And, of course, they had to call that vegan dessert “Soy Delicious,” yet nobody has to sell steak by calling it “Steak Delicious.” Not surprising- ly, there are a lot of animal lovers out there who especially love animals with a side of potatoes. Can you sit across from one while he tears into a nice, juicy piece of cow, and are you really looking forward to that long, slow, hamburger-flavored kiss goodnight? You do say you “think” you can accept a man who eats meat, but that’s about wanting to widen your dating pool. Two sentences later, you’re narrowing it back down, sug- gesting that a meat-muncher should feel free to make you sick, disgusted, and morally outraged, but only “once or twice a day, four times a week, max.” Come on. If all you can stomach is a man who eats a diet fit for a sheep, say so in your profile. But, whatever you do, omit mention of specific dietary issues like gluten intolerance, or you’ll sound picky and annoying. And, quite frankly, nobody needs to know the intricacies of your bile duct or your small intestine before the first date. As for news to break “gently” on the first date, that would be stuff like “I have five months to live,” not “I can’t eat wheat.” Don’t worry — nobody’s going to force-feed you a cookie. Just order your tofu patty “no bun,” and move on to finding out what you and your date have in common — beyond being the sort of people who not only stop and smell the flowers, but enjoy grazing on them afterward. Gregory pecs I’m a 35-year-old straight man in really good shape. I’m online dating, and want to post a picture of myself shirtless. A female co-worker says no way; women will be totally turned off. Really? — Best Side Forward Take your cue from women’s magazines, which are wildly lacking in shots of men with greased pecs chopping wood and other popular gay calendar outtakes. While men are turned on by photos of the scantily clad opposite sex, that’s just not what works for women. In fact, for most women, a man who shows off his body seems girly, and sends the message that he’s vain: “I usually take my mirror on dates, but maybe I can make room for you!” Because women seeking men generally prioritize success over looks, that’s what you should be flexing, with subtlety, in your pro- The print edition is available online at Amy Alkon Amy Alkon is a syndicated advice writer whose column runs in more than 100 newspapers across the U.S. and Canada. Although th column reads as humor, it’s based in science, psychology, evolutionary psy- chology and ethics. file. It is a plus if you have the V-shaped body women favor — broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist — but that’ll come across just fine in a T-shirt and jeans. If you post a shirtless photo, your shirtlessness should seem incidental, like someone just happened to have a camera at beach volleyball...not like your shirt just happened to be off when you stepped in front of your hand which just hap- pened to be holding your camera. (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com. Her website is www.advicegoddess.com. Alkon’s book is “I SEE RUDE PEOPLE: One woman’s battle to beat some manners into impolite soci- ety” (McGraw-Hill). www.otownscene.com Nov. 18, 2010 O-Town Scene 39