The Milwaukee Post

18 • Milwaukee Post • September 27, 2013 NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPHERD Home sweet home ■ "With its neatly cut lawns and luscious tropical vegetation," wrote a BBC News reporter in July, Miracle Village, Fla., is an "idyllic rural community" of 200 residents – about half of whom are registered sex offenders, attracted to the settlement near Lake Okeechobee because laws and ordinances elsewhere in Florida harshly restrict where they can live (e.g., not within a half-mile of a school or park). Incumbent residents might have been apprehensive in 2009 when a pastor started the local rehabilitation ministry (one even called it a "nightmare on Elm Street"), but since then, no one could recall a single impropriety involving an offender, and lately, 10 to 20 more applications arrive each week (screened to keep out diagnosed pedophiles and those with a history of drugs or violence). Can't possibly be true ■ Dana Carter's debut as principal of Calimesa Elementary School in California's San Bernardino County was quite inauspicious, as parents quickly objected to his August policy of requiring kids to drop to one knee when addressing him. One parent said her daughter was forced to kneel while awaiting his attention and then to rise only when he lifted his arms. Carter said he would discontinue the policy and insisted he had instituted it for "safety" and not because he imagined himself as royalty . ■ Many consumers already distrust food imports from China, but the U.S. Department of Agriculture nonetheless announced recently (and "quietly," according to NPR) that it would exempt four Chinese companies altogether from USDA inspections of their processed chicken exports. The changes are part of the department's money-saving streamlining that also cuts back domestic regulation – proposals that have already drawn criticism from the Government Accountability Office because they would replace many on-site USDA inspectors with employees of the food-processing plants themselves. Unclear on the concept ■ In August, the Mother Nature Network website showcased an array of camping gear seemingly designed for the daintiest of those ostensibly "roughing" it. The Blofield outdoor couch inflates in minutes to produce a facsimile of a Las Vegas lounge sofa. The Rolla Roaster's 42-inch-long steel fork assures elegance (and evenness) in marshmallow-roasting. For fashion-conscious backwoods women, Teva makes high-heeled hiking sandals ($330). The mother of all Swiss army knives, by Wenga, has so many gadgets that it suggests a parody of a Swiss army knife. To be a camper is to sleep in a tent, though, and why not the trailer-mounted Opera tent, including hardwood floors and a wine cooler? ■ A July direct-mail campaign by Canada's Conservative Party, intended to show concern for the disabled population, might have fallen short, according to a Toronto Star report. The first wave of brochures, "Supporting Jobs for All Canadians" (meaning the disabled as well), featured the well-known wheelchair symbol and a message in a series of Braille dots. However, the brochure was useless to blind recipients, who could neither see the dots nor read them, as the dots were printed on a flat surface. ■ By her own admission, Joan Hoyt, 61, of St. Louis, has difficulty writing, is easily distracted, needs frequent breaks, and "reads about 2 1/2 times slower than her peers" – yet wants to be a lawyer. She filed a lawsuit recently against the Law School Admission Council for special accommodations to take the standardized admissions test after the council offered to grant her "only" 156 extra minutes for the exam. She also demanded a room by herself with a "white noise" machine and the ability to bring a computer and food and drinks to the exam. (States have made similar accommodations for bar exams – but those applicants have already successfully endured the intellectual rigors of law school.) People different from us ■ Jian Yang, 33, a media executive in Singapore, told Reuters in September that he was concerned about the diminishing respect the Mattel Corp. is giving Barbie, reducing production in favor of trendier dolls like those modeled after the "Twilight" characters. Yang is apparently protective of his collection of more than 6,000 Barbies that dominate his row house – which he estimates has cost him the equivalent of nearly $400,000 since he took up the obsession at age 13. He said his parents have come to accept his passion, but acknowledged that he had a few "ex-girlfriends" who felt "insecure" around his supermodels. Yang also owns about 3,000 non-Barbies, and on his last trip to New York bought 65 more. Perspective ■ It is now well-known how America's wounded warriors are victimized by the huge backlog of unaddressed Department of Veterans Affairs disability claims, with waits of many months or years. Nonetheless, the department is so proud of shrinking the backlog that it has begun to issue bonus checks to bureaucrats who meet the department's numerical goals in case-reduction (according to data from the Office of Personnel Management reported in the Washington Post in August). However, another Washington Post story, in September, reported that backlog reduction likely resulted merely from quickly approving the easier cases – while the roster of serious or complicated cases continued to grow, along with appeals of decisions toohastily made by the bonus-clutching department employees. Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL., 33679 or by email to WeirdNews@earthlink.net. HINTS FROM HELOISE BY HELOISE Travel hint Dear Heloise: Just a reminder for all of your readers who travel: When you get to your hotel, check the bottles of shampoo, lotion, etc., to make sure the seal hasn't been broken and they are new before you use them. You even can check the coffee or anything else that is provided in the hotel rooms. Housekeeping is very busy, and sometimes they might miss something accidentally. Happy travels! – Stanley in Oklahoma Hmmm – something I'd never thought about. Thanks for the hint. – Heloise Treasure forever Dear Heloise: This is in response to the lady who couldn't part with her child's baby clothes. Have a quilt made from the clothes! If you don't quilt, go to a local quilt shop, which will help you find someone to do the work. You will then have a treasure forever. – B.T., via email Send a great hint to Heloise, P.O. Box 795000, San Antonio, Texas 78279-5000 or email to heloise@Heloise.com. Answers on Page 23

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