The Milwaukee Post

18 • Milwaukee Post • September 6, 2013 NEWS anywhere in Egg Harbor. OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPHERD Spreadsheet parenting ■ Loco parentis: First-time mother Amy Webb proudly notates dozens of data points about her child each day and obsessively tracks their detailed progression by computer on spreadsheets, according to the provocative first-person account she wrote for Slate.com in July. In categories ranging from ordinary vital signs, to the kid's progress in sound-making, to dietary reactions, to quantity and quality of each poop, stats are kept 24/7 (even with a bedside laptop to facilitate nighttime entries). She began tracking her own health during pregnancy, but then decided, "Why stop now?" when her daughter was born. Webb's pediatrician rated the kid's health as "A-minus," but the parents' as "C," adding: "You guys need to relax. Leave the spreadsheets (out)." Webb and her husband remain confident that their extreme tracking optimizes their chances of raising a healthy daughter. The litigious society ■ A lawyer and former spokesman for the judiciary of Kenya filed a petition in July with the International Court of Justice in The Hague, Netherlands, seeking a retrial of Jesus Christ and naming as defendants the state of Israel, King Herod, various Jewish elders, the former emperor of Rome (Tiberius), and of course Pontius Pilate. Dola Indidis claims that the proceedings before Roman courts did not conform to the rule of law at the time. (Indidis' claim had been dismissed by the High Court in Nairobi, and a spokesperson for the ICJ said the court has no jurisdiction in such a case, for it is not one between governments.) Finer points of the law ■ No profiling, please: In August, minutes before a scheduled mixed martial arts fight in Immokalee, Fla., the Florida Department of Business & Professional Regulation canceled it as "unsanctioned." Contestant Garrett Holeve, 23, who has Down syndrome, was to fight David Steffin, 28, who has cerebral palsy, and both had trained intensively for eight weeks and were outraged by the decision. Said Holeve's father of his son's reaction, "(T)hat hurts his feelings and angers him." "Their decision is pretty arbitrary (and) discriminatory." Compelling explanations Perspective ■ An Anglican parishioner complained in August about the "blasphemous" bumper sticker she saw on the car of the Rev. Alice Goodman of Cambridge, England, but Rev. Goodman immediately defended it as not irreligious (although, she conceded, perhaps "vulgar"). The sticker read "WTFWJD?" which is a play on the popular evangelical Christian slogan "WWJD?" – "What Would Jesus Do?" ("WTF" is a vulgar but omnipresent acronym on the Internet.) Rev. Goodman pointed out that even Dr. Rowan Williams, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, seemed not to be shocked by her sticker when he saw it. ■ Researchers can accurately estimate a person's economic status just by learning which environmental toxins are in his body, concluded a University of Exeter (England) research team recently, using U.S. data. Although "both rich and poor Americans are walking waste dumps," wrote the website Quartz, reporting the conclusions, poorer people's typical food leaves lead, cadmium and the banned bisphenol-A, whereas richer people more likely accumulate heavy metals (mercury, arsenic, thallium) from aquatic lean protein (and acquire oxybenzone from the active ingredient in sunscreens). Previous research was thought to show that richer Americans ate healthier (for example, eating fruits and vegetables instead of canned foods), but the Exeter research shows they merely house different toxins. Ironies ■ Actually, that's why she's in trouble: In August, a federal judge in Seattle sentenced Alicia Cruz, 31, to four years in prison for violating court-ordered drug treatment stemming from a 2011 conviction for stealing the identities of more than 300 people. Cruz had won a second chance (drug treatment, instead of prison) by convincing the judge that she was no longer a crook – that this time, she would abandon her identity-theft life and go straight. Added Cruz, "I'm a different person now." ■ James "Sonny" McCullough, the mayor of the New Jersey shore town of Egg Harbor (pop. 4,240), announced in August that he was selling his waterfront home – because real estate taxes were too high (more than $31,000 a year) following a recent reassessment and that he could no longer afford it. The mayor, 71, told The Press of Atlantic City that he had planned to live the rest of his life in the home, but was not even certain he could afford to live Least competent criminals ■ Recurring themes: (1) Vade Bradley, 39, was arrested on arson charges in Hayward, Calif., in August after burning down an apartment house carport, totally destroying six vehicles. He was siphoning other people's gasoline in the carport when he decided to light a cigarette. (2) Richard Boudreaux was charged in January with burglarizing Kenney's Seafood (where he previously worked) in Slidell, La., when he became the most recent perp to fail to outflank surveillance cameras. He had thought to wear a bucket over his head as he moved through the store – except he had waited until well inside (within camera range) before actually putting it on. Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL., 33679 or by email to WeirdNews@earthlink.net. HINTS FROM HELOISE BY HELOISE of money I spend. (I do bring my actual credit card with me for emergencies.) – Lee in San Antonio Love it! A great way to "painlessly" save for vacation. – Heloise Trouble turning Vacation is in the cards Dear Heloise: When I have a vacation coming up, here's how I save money . Whenever I have a little extra money I pur, chase a prepaid gift or credit card, one from a major company that can be used almost anywhere, and I stash it someplace safe. When I am packing, I pull out all of the gift cards I have saved. Not only is it safer because it doesn't have any of my information on it, it also helps me limit the amount Dear Heloise: I have arthritis, which means it is difficult for me to turn the key in the lock on my front door. A wonderful lady at a home-improvement store helped me. She made me a new key with a square, extra-large base for my fingers. It is great. It's cute, and I now have a painless way to open my front door. – Maria in Huntington Beach, Calif. Send a great hint to Heloise, P.O. Box 795000, San Antonio, Texas 78279-5000 or email to heloise@Heloise.com. Answers on Page 23

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