The Brainerd Dispatch - Today's Entertainment Magazine
Issue link: https://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/1503868
12•July16-22,2023•BrainerdDispatch probablyhavetowaituntil wehaveaPresident WoodrowHarrelsonor something....I,forone,am justgladWillieNelsonis alivetoseethishappen. HerschelWalker,ifyoudon't know,istheverypro-life formerfootballstarrunning forSenateinGeorgia....The DailyBeastreportedthathe paidforanabortionin2009. ...Atthispoint,Herschel Walkerhasmisrepresented somuchofhislifethey shouldgivehimthe"Lies- mantrophy." NASAwentfull "Armageddon"(1998)and successfullyhitanasteroid withaspacecraft,inwhatis —theysay—theworld's firstplanetarydefense mission.Whichisexciting newsforeveryoneother thantheSpaceForce.They werelike,"Can'tyouletus haveanything?" LateNightWithSeth Meyers(R) The car company Rezvani has announced a new $250,000 SUV called the Vengeance, which has options for body armor, explosive protection and night vision. So, come hell or high water, your kids will get to soccer! Al Pacino is reportedly closing a deal with a publisher to write a book. It will be the first autobiography written in all caps. your coffee table, the bottom right goes in Zimbabwe. Essentia water has teamed up with a boxed wine company to sell water and wine in one box. ... In a related story, they're currently being sued by Jesus. President Biden pardoned all people convicted of possessing marijuana under federal law, signalling a major step towards legalization. I'm pretty sure Biden's approval rating is about to get high for the first time. The Air Force just announced a plan to reduce their carbon footprint and adapt to climate change. It's a major move. In fact, the Air Force just unveiled their new F-24 Prius. In the aftermath of hurricane Ian, Pr esident Biden traveled to Florida and met with Gov. Ron DeSantis, even though DeSantis has been highly critical of Biden. It's like that special episode of a Disney sitcom where the school bully realizes he needs help with his math homework. He's like, "I'm sorry I called you those names ..." Jimmy Kimmel Live! (R) Biden fulfilled a campaign promise and pardoned all prior federal offenses for marijuana possession. The move stops short of full decriminalization, which will woman had to repeatedly press Walker for funds to pay for it. Ah, so he's cool with abortion as long as it doesn't cost him. So, he's socially Liberal, fiscally Conservative [and a] complete A-hole. The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (R) A JC Penney in Pennsylvania had to be closed temporarily after a deer entered the store and got into a dressing room. That story again: JC Penney is so empty, it's actually being reclaimed by nature. Costco is selling the world's largest jigsaw puzzle. It's 29 feet long, eight feet tall and 60,000 pieces. Yup, the bottom left corner goes on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert (R) [Doug] Mastriano pledged to ban pole dancing from schools. Are we sure he knows what a school is? "Three times a week I head down to the school and talk to the students — Cheyenne, Cinnamon, Amber ..." It was revealed that during the FBI's search of Mar-a- Lago, they seized 200,000 pages of documents from the former president. ... If the FBI delayed their search another day, the TV show "Hoarders" would have beat them to it. [Hershel] Walker has been in hot water ever since we found out that ... in 2009, he urged his girlfriend to get an abortion and paid for it — eventually. ... We learned the Late Laughs SATURDAY'SSOLUTION FRIDAY'SSOLUTION 35548CountyRoad66,Crosslake www.trebilhearing.com | 218.692.6072 Don't let hearing difficulties get in the way of your most important relationships. Contact us by phone or online today to schedule your free hearing test and learn about the latest discreet and effective treatment options. Healthy Hearing Keeps You Connected Hours:Mon-Sat9-5•Hwy.210W,Aitkin (218)927-6446 •Tools •Furniture •Housewares •Gifts •NewInventory ArrivingWeekly M S t 9 5 H 210 W A 25,000 Sq. Ft. To Shop From INDEPENDENTLY OWNED&OPERATED BYJEFF&TRACYSWENSON 218-828-4320 chemdryofthelakes.com WE ALSO CLEAN: •WOOD&VINYL FLOORS •TILE&GROUT •GRANITECOUNTER TOPRENEWAL ServingCrowWing,Aitkin,Morrison,Todd, N.MilleLacsandSouthernCassCounties ASK ABOUT OUR CURRENT SPECIALS! ThankYouforvotingus theB es tCarpetCleaner 3yearsinarow! SUPERIOR CARPET & UPHOLSTERY CLEANING m W 828 4320 Wereyougıventhe Thenwehavea jobforyou! APPLY TODAY! gıft gab? of Blah, blah, blah Yackity Yack YACK MultimediaSales Consultant