The Milwaukee Post

18 • Milwaukee Post • August 9, 2013 NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPHERD Lead story – Government in action ■ The National Security Agency is a "supercomputing powerhouse," wrote ProPublica.org in July, with "machines so powerful their speed is measured in thousands of trillions of operations per second" – but apparently it has no ability to bulk-search its own employees' official emails. Thus, ProPublica's Freedom of Information Act demand for a seemingly simple all-hands search was turned down in July with the NSA informing ProPublica that the best it could do would be to go one-by-one through the emails of each of the agency's 30,000 employees – which would be prohibitively expensive. (ProPublica reported that companywide searches are "common" for large corporations, which must respond to judicial subpoenas and provide information for their own internal investigations.) Recurring themes ■ To commemorate its 500th "deep brain stimulation" surgery in May, UCLA Medical Center live-Tweeted its operation on musician Brad Carter, 39, during which he was required to strum his guitar and sing so that surgeons would know where in his brain to plant the electrical stimulator that would relieve his Parkinson's disease symptoms. Carter had developed hand tremors in 2006, but the stimulator, once it is properly programed and the surgery healed, is expected to reduce his symptoms, restore some guitar-playing ability, and reduce his medication need. (And, yes, patients normally remain conscious during the surgery.) ■ Firefighters are not infrequently called on to extricate adventurous men from sex toys, but one "armor-plat(ed)" device, six inches in diameter, into which the 51-yearold German entrapped himself in July in Ibiza, Mallorca, was especially challenging, according to the Diario de Mallorca newspaper, and took two hours and a dose of anesthesia toward the end. The saw blade the emergency workers used wore out during the rescue and had to be replaced, along with two sets of batteries. The man was kept overnight at Can Misses hospital, but was otherwise OK. ■ Americans stage dog shows, and Middle-Easterners stage camel beauty contests, and in June, the annual German Holstein Show took over the city of Oldenburg, with the two-day event won by "Loh Nastygirl," topping bovine beauties from Germany, Luxembourg and Austria. The event is also a showcase for the cow hairdressers, who trim cows' leg and belly hair (to better display their veins). Said one dresser, "It is just like with us people – primping helps." Groomed or not, cows with powerful legs, bulging udders and a strong bone structure are the favorites. ■ Fruit of any kind retails for outlandish prices in Japan, but some, such as Yubari cantaloupes, are so prestigious that they are often presented as gifts to friends or colleagues, and it was only mildly surprising that a pair of the melons sold in May for the equivalent of about $15,700 at auction at the Sapporo Central Wholesale Market. The melons appeared to be perfect specimens, with their T-shaped stalk still attached. The record melon-pair price, set in 2008, is about $24,500 measured at today's exchange rate. ■ Still unclear on the concept: Briar MacLean, 13, of Calgary, Alberta, was reprimanded by school officials in May (and then also lost an appeal) after he stepped between two students because one, holding a knife, was bullying the other. The vice principal appeared to regard Briar's action as equal to that of the bully, telling Briar's mother later that the school does not "condone heroics," and that it was "beside the point" that Briar might well have prevented a slashing (which could have occurred if he had left the boys behind to go find a teacher). Updates ■ It took a year and a half of legal wrangling over a technicality, but Marshall University was finally dropped in June as one of the defendants in Louis Helmburg III's lawsuit for his injuries when fellow party-goer Travis Hughes shot bottle rockets out of his posterior in 2011. Helmburg, some will recall, was so startled by Hughes' stunt that he fell off the rail-less deck at a fraternity party staged by Alpha Tau Omega of Marshall University. Hughes and the fraternity remain as defendants in the January 2012 lawsuit. ■ The Mexican economy has improved markedly since News of the Weird first mentioned the EcoAlberto theme park in the central state of Hidalgo in 2005, which offers an attraction simulating the rigors of border-jumping. In 2005, it was thought that many of the attendees were using the setup to improve their chances of sneaking into the U.S., but now park officials believe nearly all are being discouraged, with the improving economy (and stepped-up U.S. enforcement) helping. The ordeal is played out as a three-hour game, with "U.S. Border Patrol" agents using sirens, dogs and verbal threats, and chasing the players into the night. ■ Final chapter for America's most overconfident murderer: Anthony Garcia, 25, was convicted in July for a 2004 murder he had apparently gotten away with. He had been subsequently arrested in 2008 for driving on a suspended license, and a cold-case Los Angeles detective, perusing arrest reports, noticed Garcia's unusual chest tattoo, which depicted a scene that reminded the detective of the crime scene in the cold-case murder, with Garcia (street name, "Chopper") having labeled himself as the shooter. Garcia, previously home free, was arrested in his cell and now faces life in prison. Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL., 33679 or by email to WeirdNews@earthlink.net. HINTS FROM HELOISE BY HELOISE Cutting down the shock factor Dear Heloise: Do you or your readers have any suggestions for preventing static-electricity shock? Getting out of cars is especially painful, and is really bad during the dry winter months. I'd appreciate any help. – Julie W. in Connecticut Happy to pass along some hints to help prevent that shock. Static electricity can be a pain, and even can be dangerous. Here are a few hints for how to reduce it: ■ When getting out of a car, touch the metal part of the door. Once your feet touch the ground, then you can let go of the car door. ■ Sliding in and out of a car can create static electricity depending on what clothes , you are wearing. Use a seat cover to reduce this static. ■ At home, try to "ground" yourself before touching something metal. Touch a wooden door frame before touching the metal doorknob, for example. ■ Try to wear 100 percent cotton clothing, and avoid polyester and synthetic materials, because they cause more static electricity . ■ Moisturize your skin to reduce the buildup of static charges. Hope these hints help reduce your shocking situation! Readers, do you have any other hints to reduce static electricity? – Heloise Send a great hint to Heloise, P.O. Box 795000, San Antonio, Texas 78279-5000 or email to heloise@Heloise.com. Answers on Page 23

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