The Milwaukee Post

8 • Milwaukee Post • June 28, 2013 OPINION The M-Word Dylan Patrick was called to the front of his classroom and suddenly he noticed something he hadn't really ever heard before; the sound of his corduroy pant legs rubbing together as he walked to the head of the classroom. It was his turn to read his creative writing assignment to the class. He kept remembering what his grandpa told him the weekend before, "You're watching them as much as they're watching you." The "dill pickle," as his grandfather called him, was one of the smallest kids in the class, and painfully shy, but his grandfather told him he was the same way until he discovered that a person's real strength was in words and how you used them. "You'll tower over any man twice your size if you know how to express yourself," then he would add with a twinkle in his percipient green eyes, "chicks dig it too." "My story is called, 'The Snowman,'" Dylan began only to be abruptly stopped. "Now, Dylan," Ms. Schmotz interrupted, "what did we say about using gender-neutral terms and words whenever possible?" Dylan replied that, living in Buffalo, New York, kids didn't build snow statues or snow people we build snowmen. "How about snow-friend?" responded Ms. Schmotz. "Well, my dad is a Buffalo policeman and I don't think he wants to be called a police friend, person, or statue," Dylan protested. Dylan's response to teacher Schmotz caused his entire second-grade class to erupt in squealing laughter just as the bell rang for lunch. Dylan Patrick didn't have any trouble finding a seat in the cafeteria this day. After lunch, Principal Buttwrinkle called Dylan to his office to properly indoctrinate him on the importance of gender-neutral language. At this point you might be thinking, "Murphy, this can't be true." But, I assure you, with a nod toward creative embellishment, it's closer to the truth than you may realize. There is a well-organized effort in a number of states to use gender-neutral terms in an attempt to eliminate gender bias from the lexicon of many state statutes. This in and itself is not a bad thing on the surface. As a country we need to be cognizant of a past that weighed heavily toward placing men in a superior position over their female colleagues or counterparts. American culture is always evolving to be more inclusive and respectful of others. It has, at times in our nation's history, been a difficult and long-fought struggle. However, we can get just a little bit nuts about these innocent issues and you sort of want to smack someone upside the head just because of the downright stupidity of the suggestions. You're not a grandfather or grandpa, you're a grand-person. Manslaughter is human slaughter. A mailman is a mailperson. Hey, I'm now part of human kind, not mankind. It's an assault on the M-word, even if it's already part of a word. The extreme feminist left is trying to MANipulate established seMANtics. At least seven states have already passed some level of gender-neutral legislation and another nine are tinkering with it. This is a huge, largely unreported effort in statehouses all across the country. Washington state takes the cake. They just passed, and the governor signed, a 500-page proposal that is the fifth document to have made it to the governor's office. It was a six-year effort to get the word "man," or any derivative of the M-word, out of state documents. Liz Watson, senior adviser at the National Women's Law Center, in defending the state of Washington's recent legislation eliminating words that could suggest gender bias said, "Words matter." "This is important in changing hearts and minds." Liz likes to use a 1950s video of the "Leave it to Beaver" show in bearing out this disputation. The title of the show "Leave it to Beaver," I am quite sure, is as bothersome to her as the video she shows on her Web page that has Ward Cleaver explaining to his son, Wally, that men are better at cooking outdoors than women. That's because women like all the modern conveniences in the bastion of their kitchens. Men, however, are like cavemen and better at cooking outdoors. I am not kidding; this well-educated, articulate attorney uses a 55-year-old television show as a demonstration of male gender dominance. Liz apparently thinks Washington state changing words like "penmanship" to "handwriting," or "journeyman plumber" to "journey-level plumber" will change attitudes. In my case she's incorrect because I think she's full of horse of MAN-ure. Changing state statutes for the future that eliminate or contain fewer masculine pronouns is not something I really care about, nor would most men I know object to. But Washington state had dozens of people working on this exercise and, like other states, they have monitors to make sure that language in all state documents is gender-neutral. Among some of the changes in Washington and other states, "watchmen" to "security guards," a "college freshman" is now a "first-year student," but they are all flummoxed at coming up with an alternative to the word "MANhole cover." I might have a few suggestions. In Florida a similar effort has taken place. Poor perplexed Edith Pollitz, the head of revisions for the state, said she Readers Forum Previously we asked: , Murph Speak TODD ROBERT MURPHY remembers changing "fishermen" to "fishers" and "servicemen" to "service members" but notes that some naughty lawmakers still sneak in gender-specific language. She says she and members of her office are always going back to make "equal opportunity edits." Pollitz has said, "This project is never going to be over." Sadly, I fear she's correct. In our whitewashing of American culture must we be so petulant that we actually build offices in states that have state employees doing nothing more than modifying language so it can be gender-neutral? Since traitor Edward Snowden has come forward as the latest intelligence leaker of national security information, we've learned of a giant data center being built in Bluffdale, Utah. With this state-by-state move toward gender-neutrality, we may have to build a companion facility to gender neutralize all the data that's being collected in Utah. Has one person ever stood up and said they were so bothered by the use of the word "man" or "men" they were unable to apply or perform a job? Because a job description used the term MAN-ually operated instead of personally operated was someone denied a job, a promotion, a raise or did they suffer a psychological trauma, or was he/she subjected to sexist intimidation? Is this really breaking the glass ceiling or even contributing to it's shattering? Might a more fiscally prudent approach be to revise, when necessary, certain terms and descriptions and to be gender-sensitive or neutral in the future rather than rewrite the past? Dylan Patrick is growing up in a better, more gender-sensitive world than his grandfather. He will be much better equipped to handle the impossibility of not offending people because he won't lack in the political correctness that eludes his grandfather at times. But a snowman is always going to be a snowman in his eyes, and he's going to keep writing because he loves it and chicks dig a guy who's good with words. Grandpa TR told him so. Mise le Meas (Todd Robert Murphy pays attention you can contact him at: toddrobertmurphy@gmail.com.) What summer festivals do you enjoy attending and why? You answered: "I like to attend several of the church festivals, the Cedarburg Strawberry Festival and the St. Martin's Fair." – Noah Borkenhagen Franklin "Indian Summer Festival. I try to go both days if I can. It is more than a festival; it is a spiritual experience." – Sandy Sue Szanderek Milwaukee Editor's note:The following submission was made from the previous week's question on Wisconsin icons. "The icon of my day was the great Don Hutson of the Green Bay Packers and later was Bart Starr, who were not only great football players but great guys. Another guy that should be considered is Curly Lambeau, but I would have to say the greatest icon of all was Vince Lombardi. He brought the Packers out of obscurity and into prominence." – Don Meyer Oak Creek Question of the week What is or was your favorite vacation destination? Call 744-6370, Ext. 15 and leave a brief answer to the Question of the Week along with your full name with spelling, phone number and city. No address is required. Readers may also send an email with a brief answer to: dbutler@conleynet.com. Letters policy Send your letters to: The Milwaukee Post, c/o Dwayne Butler, 3397 S. Howell Ave., Milwaukee, WI 53207, or by e-mail to: dbutler@conleynet.com. We reserve the right to edit letters for style, length and clarity. Letters should be typewritten or printed and include full name, phone number and address.

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