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Bernie Sanders said, "That's obscene!" Mike Bloomberg said, "That's a pretty good deal!" Many of the votes for Super Tuesday were cast by U.S. Mail. Did you know that? Yeah, which means we will never know the results. A Little Late With Lilly Singh The most difficult part of publishing is getting anyone on Earth to read a physical book. I had to read my book for the audio version, and even I was like, "Read a book? That's so boring!" There's so many good memories about writing my book. Like deciding how long I wanted it, how thick I wanted it, if I want it to be hard, which are all the same questions I ask on a dating app. The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Bernie Sanders drove a Subaru to the polls to cast his vote. Meanwhile, Mike Bloomberg went around in an Uber driven by Bill de Blasio. Two women in Pennsylvania have been best friends for 17 years and just found out that they're actually sisters. Yeah, and ever since then, they haven't stopped fighting. The Late Show With Stephen Colbert [Amy] Kloubachar made the decision to drop out when it became clear she wouldn't win the nomination, but kept running for more than a year anyway. The senator hasn't made an official statement yet, but sources say she plans to endorse Joe Biden at his rally tonight. And he'll accept with a gracious, "Thanks, Annie!" Two New York schools closed today over coronavirus fears: the SAR Academy and SAR High School. Ooh, so close to the word SARS! There hasn't been an outbreak this ironic since the closure of Herpe High. Jimmy Kimmel Live I don't know if it was like this where you live, but [California has] been overwhelmed by advertising, mostly from Mike Bloomberg. The amount of mail we've been getting from Bloomberg is unbelievable. He is the Bed Bath & Beyond of candidates. Lyft reported their biggest week of revenue ever, presumably because people are scared to use public transportation. Which, you know, I get it ... but if you're trying to get away from germs, maybe the Honda with a bowl of community breath mints isn't the solution. latelaughs Many sporting events and other programs have been changed or canceled due to COVID-19 concerns. We thank you in advance for your understanding.

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