Diversity Rules Magazine

March 2018

Diversity Rules Magazine - _lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning_

Issue link: http://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/948084

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3 Diversity Rules Magazine March 2018 Tarringo T. Vaughan always believed he had a love af- fair with literature. One of the first pictures he saw of himself was of him at maybe the age of three or four year's old sitting with a book in his hand. But for Tarringo, growing up in the depths of the inner city both in Boston, MA and Springfield, MA made him believe that expression through the literary voice was un-cool and unattainable. As a very quiet and shy child he learned it became very valuable in his self expres- sion It was just me, warm beer, the phone and a clock as I sat there in the dark spotlights of loneliness. A Friday night and I was sitting alone staring off into the past wondering if I said the wrong thing or maybe it was something I didn't say. e beginning years of my thir- ties led me to this new discovery of confidence. Maybe it was being in better shape or a deeper self-awareness but I believed in what I represented and that I had something great to offer to that someone out there. In my middle to late twenties I lacked that confidence and it chased a few good men away because they be- lieved if you couldn't love yourself how can you love someone else and I knew they were right. And the more and more I experienced the gay world, I realized how much of that self love was missing; not just inside my own soul but others out there. Many of us are so often rejected by the world out there that we come to expect it in some cases want to do the rejecting to save ourselves the time. And as I sipped my beer watching the phone refuse to ring, I started wondering what I did to get blown off and suddenly I was back in that phrase of no confidence having a conversation with time asking questions that had no known answer. I met him on a Saturday night in a dance club in Hart- ford. My friends were the outgoing ones as they were older, confident and experienced. I was use to them getting all the attention although they claimed I got plenty. But I didn't see it because I was lost inside a self-image that refused to showcase my attractions. As the music played I watched everyone around me sell themselves freely and I stood there in the corner trying not to be seen but he saw me and I looked back. His body language waved at me and my eyes shyly waved back. He was manly, handsome with a shine of intelli- gence to him and when he finally came over our smiles clicked and we were strangers who seemed to know each other forever. It was unexpected but that early- thirty confidence flourished out of me asking for his number and a time to hangout away from the noisy Time - Con't on page 9 Time Never Answered Back Diary Of A Black Man By Tarringo Basile-Baughn

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