Michigan Avenue - Niche Media - Michigan Avenue magazine is a luxury lifestyle magazine centered around Chicago’s finest people, events, fashion, health & beauty, fine dining & more!
Issue link: http://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/593406
illustration by daniel o'leary Chicago is notorious for its high taxes. In January, we can look forward to a new 10.25 percent sales tax, the highest of any US city. We already have one of the high- est cell phone taxes in the country, and the second-highest property taxes (thank you, New Jersey!). Of course we understand the need for taxes. But now the city is even determined to get a piece of our fun. Mayor Rahm Emanuel has expanded the defnition of Chicago's 9 percent Amusement Tax to include streaming movies and music from the likes of Netfix and Spotify. For those of you keeping track, the city now defnes "amusement" as concerts, sporting events, online subscriptions to streaming entertainment, and even "the privilege of participating in games, online or otherwise." Emanuel is, of course, accurate on one point: It is a privilege to partake of World of Warcraft, and not one that we take for granted. As for the rest of it, though: What? Do we really need to feel guiltier about guilty pleasures like binge- watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt? Is that even possible? There seems to be no stopping the Chicago tax juggernaut—not with the Cook County Board and Rahm, the Chuck Norris of mayors, behind it. We can resist and be fattened, or make the best of it and jump on the tax express. So let's really own this amusement tax. In fact, how about taxing some of the things we fnd amusing, too? Like people who mispronounce Goethe Street. Hysterical! In fairness, the level of diffculty is fairly high. The "h" is silent, the "r" is invisible, and nobody has read Goethe's Die Leiden des jungen Werthers in ages. Watch for future petitions to change the name to the more crowd-pleasing Nicholas Sparks Street. (Loved The Notebook!) Or how about t he looks on tour ist s' faces when t hose Blue Line buskers dare to depart from playing "Sweet Home Chicago"? Very little is more fun than watching startled travelers wonder whether they should throw change at the saxophonist who chooses Elvis's "In the Ghetto" (yes, it's about Chicago). Our local playlist, after all, is rich with variety. We'd also like to hear Paper Lace's "The Night Chicago Died," Sufjan Stevens's "Come on! Feel the Illinoise!" and especially "The Super Bowl Shuffe." Unfortunately, Brian Wilson's "Mrs. O'Leary's Cow" is instrumental, so no one can sing along. You want to talk amusement? Let's tax all those people who actually think they can park in the city. They're plenty taxed already, but let's tack on another 10 percent for the most extreme of the dumb drivers. We love to watch them back into frozen lawn furniture, or pay $21 for one hour in a downtown parking garage. Yes, we see you, cars driving around and around in circles, undaunted as you hope for a spot near Oak Street Beach. And we're still chuckling over the woman who was fned $105,000 for abandoning her car at O'Hare for three years. It was just so convenient, wasn't it? So many possibilities. The Amusement Tax could broaden to include people who fall into potholes so large they actually have to call the fre department to be rescued. Anyone who jumps into the Chicago River on St. Patrick's Day and lives. The oldsters who still call Wrigley Field by its original name (Weeghman Park—again, the "h" is silent). People who ask for directions to "the subway." They amuse us, and of course we're laughing with them, not at them. We're not monsters. But the city needs money, and we need out-of-the-box entertainment. Especially now that we can no longer afford Netfix. MA We Are Not Amused Now that the city of chicago's famously steep taxes apply eveN to cloud- based amusemeNts like Netflix aNd spotify, what's Next? by paige wiser 160 michiganavemag.com Gold CoastinG