Boston Common - Niche Media - A side of Boston that's anything but common.
Issue link: http://www.ifoldsflip.com/i/327657
ILLUSTRATION BY DANIEL O'LEARY T is the season when Bostonians f lock to the ocean like dis- ciples to the River Jordan. Coppertone is in the air, beers are in cozies, and sick days are taken in epidemic propor- tions. It's a time when all your hard-earned gym muscles finally get the attention you've been fantasizing about when squeezing out that last bicep curl. And for those who couldn't find the gym, it's also a time for elaborate costumes to disguise all that winter weight. Praise the sun gods: It's beach time once again. As any Bostonian can tell you, not all beaches are created equal, and picking where to roll out your towel can say more about you than your driver's license. In the stone's throw category, the clay sand of Southie's Carson Beach down M Street is a favorite haunt of young professionals and yuppie dog walkers who wouldn't be caught dead in the water. Which reminds me, if there is any truth to The Departed, Carson Beach is also a good place to dump a body. Leaving the city, the Cape will forever be a Bostonian's sandy Shangri-la. Just passing over the Sagamore Bridge (honestly, who takes the Bourne Bridge?) has been proven to lower blood pressure and increase sex drive. Once down the Cape, many head to Mayf lower Beach in Dennis with its cheap Christmas tree lounge chairs, the scratchy play- by-play of a Red Sox game from an old AM/ FM radio, and hundreds of beach umbrellas just begging to break free from the sand and horrifically impale someone. The truly committed will hop on the ferry and head out to Nantucket or the Vineyard, where there are beaches in every direc- tion. Nobadeer on Nantucket is a good spot for drunken volleyball and witnessing the occasional mass arrest, while the Vineyard's Menemsha beckons scanty swimsuits requiring double-sided tape and strategically placed pasties. But beware—stumble onto the wrong stretch of sand on either island and you might just end up seeing more skin than you bargained for. Nantucket's nude beach is still going strong, although sometimes a bit too f labby for my liking. On all of these beaches, somewhere behind burka-like sun suits and long-visor ball caps, are children lathered in enough SPF 50 to fill in all the potholes on the Mass Pike. It's a far cry from most of our childhoods, back when peeling sunburned skin from our bod- ies was a summertime activity on par with putting together a puzzle on a rainy afternoon. When I was a kid, if Channel 7's Todd Gross called for rain come the weekend, my parents made sure to leave me in the sun a few extra minutes to get that nice, crisp finish that could keep me occupied for hours. Alas, things have changed and no doubt for the better. I just hope that children these days still relish the cold kiss of clean sheets on their salty skin and the deep satisfaction of finding the perfect beach, swimsuit bedecked or not. BC Sink or Swim A GUIDE FOR BOSTONIANS ON HOW NOT TO GET BURNED BY THE WRONG BEACH IN MASSACHUSETTS. BY ROBERT COCUZZO 128 BOSTONCOMMON-MAGAZINE.COM P arting Shot