The O-town Scene

Ex and The City My wife and I divorced just over a year ago, and I asked my friends to stop being friends with her, which I thought they had. I just learned that a friend is starting a new job — for which my ex-wife recommended him (knowing he was looking because they remained "friends" on LinkedIn). I'm glad he got a new gig, but I'm angry people are still in touch with her, since the marriage ending was pretty much her fault. — Hurt Good morning, General Pinochet. You apparently forgot to put the word out to local birds to boycott your ex-wife's bird feeder and order squirrels in the park not to take nuts from her. You don't get to tell grown adults who they can and can't be friends with. Instead, you trust your friends to behave like friends. It's a bit much, however, to expect everybody to stop being "friends" with your exwife — to remember they once connected on LinkedIn and go click the button for "Off With Her Head." And frankly, in this economy, I wouldn't hold it against somebody even if they got their job through a LinkedIn connection to Charles Manson. The ironic thing is, you're the one who really needs to disconnect — to finally decide to move on instead of remaining married to your resentment long after divorcing your wife. Try to remember, time flies "when you're having fun," not "when you're resenting your dog for not doing Amy Alkon is a syndicated advice writer whose column runs in more than 100 newspapers across the U.S. and Canada. Although the column reads as humor, it's based in science, psychology, evolutionary psychology and eithics. the noble thing when he's at her place and going on a hunger strike." licking his earlobe. The good news is the optics can also be the solution. Engaging in sporadic touchy-feely with your boyfriend — hugging him, kissing or stroking his cheek — can be a sort of ad for "I'm with him, and I plan to continue that." It's bad to let a boyfriend curtail who you are, but it helps to be sensitive to how even innocent extraversion can come off to an audience, especially in the early stages of a relationship. No guy wants to bring around his hot new car and then watch as some other guy gets his fingerprints all over the hood. The Flirt Locker My boyfriend of two months doesn't seem insecure. But last week, after we left a party, he said it was humiliating that I was flirting with this good-looking guy in front of all of his friends. That guy is a professional photographer, and I was just asking for some tips. I'm annoyed because I don't think I did anything wrong. --Social Butterfly If you go to a party with your new boyfriend and spend a half-hour mesmerized by another guy, it helps if the guy's wearing a feather boa and size 15 women's shoes. Assuming your boyfriend isn't insecure and you aren't covertly on the prowl, it's the optics that are the problem. A guy's buddies are both supportive and competitive — sometimes looking out for him and sometimes looking for his Achilles' heel so they can poke it with a sharp Innocent conversations can look like anything but in the wrong setting. stick. So, what to you is a totally platonic conversation, to the guys standing across the room with your boyfriend, comes off like you're sitting in some dude's lap and (c) 2014, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (advicegoddess.com). Weekly radio show: blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon. January 9, 2014 O-Town Scene 15

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