Diversity Rules Magazine

Tarringo T. Vaughan always believed he had a love affair with literature. One of the first pictures he saw of himself was of him at maybe the age of three or four year's old si ng with a book in his hand. But for Tarringo, growing up in the depths of the inner city both in Boston, MA and Springfield, MA made him believe that expression through the literary voice was un-cool and una ainable. As a very quiet and shy child he learned it became very valuable in his self expres- sion. Born in 1976, Tarringo was the first child, grandchild and nephew in a family that had grown accustomed to struggle. His mother was a teenager who quickly lost the support of my father who to- day he knows very li le of. These aspects of his life triggered the inspira on of his pen. When we experience growth we some mes become unrecognizable to ourselves. The music thumped as hesitant shadows scraped the dance floor with s ffened movements and wild at- re. Black lights spotlighted the lint of many minds loose and intoxicated. I stood with a drink half filled with ice leaning against a crowded bar where frus- trated patrons waved aimlessly for the a en on of a bartender who thought he was the ho est a rac on in the bar. He had much compe on because many were already dancing with their own reflec ons in a steamed filled distorted mirror. And I remember having my own confidence as I saw an image of who I use to be just years before. Back then I would've been standing there with a different purpose. I would've had my arms folded and judged everyone around me not because I thought I was be er but because I was catapulted into a new world; a world I hid for so long not to be a part of. There were many aspects of the gay world I didn't understand because I simply didn't want to under- stand them. I saw a lifestyle that was different than what I was exposed to and a lifestyle that didn't fit the aspira ons stenciled into my ambi on. I was living as a photograph airbrushed and distorted to fit the vision of what those around me wanted me to be. But looking back at those self portraits I was not smiling because something within me felt incom- plete and with that incompleteness came a lot of in- security. And if I wasn't secure with who I was how could I stand proudly behind a defini on I had yet to explore? It was during that me that I met many guys who misjudged me or didn't have the pa ence for me to find that confidence I needed to stand with pride in the gay community. So I shut myself off, kept quiet and judged those I saw around me. I was a portrait of a man not willing to open up and accept his own sexuality. And there was no acceptance un l I al- lowed my heart to lead the way. So as I stood there with the music thumping and blowing the dust of this memory of who I was, I begin to bob my head and appreciate my surroundings. I stood there with a confidence and a new openness that made those same guys who shied away from me walk up and want to get to know me for it was my growth within myself that made me more than just a part of the gay community. It made me one of the defini ons of a community that just years ago I didn't understand. 4 | Diversity Rules Magazine | May 2021 Dust on the Portrait of a Memory ByTarringo Baslie-Vaughn

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