Diversity Rules Magazine

5 Diversity Rules Magazine November 2019 However, you must remember, not all counselors are good or even know anything about transgen- der people. It's not like the movies where you are suddenly be er because you reached out. The sui- cide stuff got a lot more real, but at the same me, things did get be er. It was a weird duality that I was going through, ge ng closer to the edge and at the same me ge ng be er. A er stress got the best of me, I wound up in the hospital throwing up blood from a ruptured ulcer. While I was in the hospital, I could not bring myself to tell the doctors that I was on hor- mones. I felt that if I did, everyone in my community, small-town, would find out that I am transgender. It wasn't un l my third brush with suicide that I finally said, 'Fuck it'. If it would not have been for my dog being with me on that episode, I would not be here today. I was on an elevated road and decided I was done. I think that's the universal feeling that you get when you reach that point. You just want the pain to stop. Anyway, I got my truck up as fast as it would go 120 mph plus. I started to look for a fixed concrete wall to hit. As I reached to unbuckle my seatbelt, something caught my eye. It was my dog Tito, he was sit- ng in the seat next to me. I sud- denly realized that if I killed myself, I would also kill my dog. This s ll brings tears to my eyes, I would be killing Tito, just so I could hide who I was. I looked at him and thought I'll just stop let him out and go back to what I was doing. As I slowed on the interstate, I realized that being on an elevated stretch of road with no shoulder, he would get hit by an- other car so this was no good. So I took the next exit to let him out, and by the me I got to the end of the exit the im- pulse was gone. The next turning point of me was to finally get a medical doctor which my therapist was subtly push- ing me to do. One thing that was quite trauma c with my doctor was that she showed me that she labeled me as transgender in my chart. While at the me, I was so horrified that I was being labeled transgender because I knew everyone would find out. I think that was the push I needed to be finally able to publicly admit, "I AM TRANSGENDER." Next, I made a list of my family and friends and put them in order for who I would tell first. This was done in two ways. First I had them into two groups. The first, family the second friends and colleges. Then I arranged then from who I thought would be the most suppor ve and the easiest. Then I decided to tell each of them one on one si ng down with each in person. I started with family. The first several for me were brutal. It was only a er I told my li le brother that I realized that I had made up stories about how each one would react. I realized that I had prejudged all of them. Because my li le brother had go en very religious over the past several years and I just knew he would not take it well that his brother was now his sister. However, I was completely wrong. I was ready for a fight and he never gave me one. He just showed me love and support even though he couldn't wrap his head around transgender. He s ll subtly gives me his opinion but he does do it with love which I respect. I shed so many tears over those sev- eral weeks. Don't prejudge like we all do people will surprise you, both for the be er and worse. Next, I started pos ng transgender-friend- ly ar cles on my facebook account for several months. Then I started pos ng pictures of me in female clothes associated with my ac ng. Never saying I was transgender or any other admission. I then took my Facebook account and changed my gender from male to female. It went unno ced pub- licly for about three or four months. Then one day, I friended a person I knew in high school. She asked about me being labeled as female, on my page, in a Sophie - Con't on page 6

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